07 October 2009

Fatherhood is a grind

Dentists suck.

Not like any of this is breaking news, with their flossing and braces and root canals and all. Dentists, in general, just plain suck. And if you are a dentist, don't take it personally. Take solace in the fact that for working on people's teeth, you're driving this, this or this, all while I'm driving this.

Anywho, I make my way over to Dr. C on Monday morning to get the twice-a-year song-and-dance ("Floss more, brush the backs better, why didn't your parents get you braces for those God-awful bottom teeth when you were younger?").

Sidebar: Dental assistant? Really? That's worse than flight attendant. No more. It's tooth nurse from now on. I own the copyright. Just like Gabba Coma. Moving on.

So the tooth nurse is checking (what else) my teeth and she says, "Do you grind your teeth?"

"No, why? Does it look like I grind my teeth?"

"Well, you know your teeth normally have a point to them, like a mountain range. Yours are flat. Actually, in the back they're a little inward, like a canyon."

Wait, it gets better. Apparently, I have been grinding my teeth so much that it has cracked the fillings on one side of my mouth. Plus, the enamel on the opposite side of my mouth is cracking because of this apparent grinding. Then Dr. C comes in to take a look and informs me that my, as a result of the grinding, I have been polishing my own filling to a nice shine.

I never knew I did this. Michelle never had a clue, but maybe that was thanks to the Ambien. I'm guessing it's stress-related, considering we have been a one-income family for the last five months and I'm getting more rejections than a fat girl come prom time.

So now I wait for the insurance company to tell me how much I get to shell out for a mouthpiece. If I have my choice, I'm going with something a little different.

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