The Search for Whatchamacallit

Ever since I penned my Halloween Missive, I've been craving a Whatchamacallit. And you know what happens when you want something at a very precise moment: That's right, you can never find one.

You see, the Whatchamacallit is probably the most underrated confection in human history. Now, some people might try and tell you otherwise, naming such sugary goodness as Snickers or Three Musketeers or the God-awful Almond Joy. Don't get me wrong; I love a Snickers. But as far as pure gold, there's no topping the chocolately-caramelly-peanuty goodness that is the Whatchamacallit.

I don't know when candy decided to get all serious, offering us 78% Cacao and ultra-rich dark chocolate on our Junior Mints, but in came the pretentiousness and out went the fun. I mean, how much more can you improve on a friggin' Junior Mint. Or a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Or a plain ol' honest-to-goodness Hershey Bar. And by the way, Hersey: If you ever decide to pull a New Coke on me with your original Hershey Bar, I will lead the boycott. Seriously, I think I account for 12% of your gross sales alone. Think about it.

So I've been looking for a Whatchamacallit for the last week and a half, thinking Oh, it's Halloween. They'll be around every corner. Nope. Looked in the grocery stores. Nada. Checked out Target. Empty. Where the hell are the Whatchamacallits? I mean, if they can still sell Mounds and the God-awful Almond Joy, there still must be a Whatchamacallit somewhere. I mean, I feel like Charlie Bucket over here.

So since I've been awake since 4 a.m. thanks to a toddler's screwed up internal clock (thank-you, daylight savings time), I decided to find me some damn Whatchamacallits, even if it took me ordering directly from Hershey.

You know what I found? An awesome Hershey's search tool that provides you with the exact locale for any of Hershey's confectionery delights:

Let us help you find your favorite HERSHEY’S product. HERSHEY’S products are available nearly everywhere. However, if you’re having trouble finding one in the United States, we can help! Select the specific product, the zip code where you shop and the distance you are willing to travel to purchase that great HERSHEY’S item. With so many delicious choices, we are not able to include all of our products in this locator. If you are still unable to find your favorite, please contact us.

So thanks to Hershey's, I will be making my way to the local CVS after dropping Kaitlyn off at daycare. Whatchamacallit, you beckon ...