07 November 2009

Daddy's genes and Brando's jeans

I talk a lot about my daughter being a little, well, healthy. Actually, a lot healthy.

You see, Kaitlyn is a little bit of a butterball. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. I think it's adorable at this age and don't care one iota. I'm not like some crazy, over-the-top parents. I know my daughter likes to eat and I'm cool with that.

Like on Thursday. There was no stopping her. You see, Thursdays are our little breakfast-for-dinner days. But not just any breakfast. Chocolate. Chip. Pancakes.

Kaitlyn digs the chocolate chip pancakes, so she began to devour them. Three adult-sized pancakes. Same as me. I mean, my daughter ate the same exact meal as me. She began to cry when we took her out of her seat, even though she had finished what was on the plate and was licking the crumbs off the tray.

Now, I don't know if it is the whole breakfast-for-dinner concept that draws her attention. Would she do this for an omelete? I don't know. Maybe the large dollop of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup that Michelle gave Kaitlyn to dip her pancakes in had something to do with her mood. I'm no expert. All I know is that it was tough to take her away from that plate.

But as I was watching my daughter compete in her personal IFOCE event, I couldn't help but think that I am partly to blame. You see, I don't have the healthiest eating habits.

Normal people will sometimes sneak ice cream for dinner; they don't have the entire half-gallon. Normal people get an Extra Value Meal at Mickey D's or maybe a dollar menu sandwich or two; they don't order four large sandwiches or three double cheeseburgers, two McChicken sandwiches, fries and a drink for lunch. Normal people have a cup of coffee, maybe two before noon; they don't finish an eight-cup pot before 10 a.m. and then get a large light and sweet from Dunkin' Donuts on his way to lunch.

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

Prime example is today's Friday's lunch. To your right, you will see the basics of what I ate today on Friday. It is called the Wise Guy Burger, found at that bastion of healthy fare, Red Robin. Here's the rundown from

In this particular nutritional nightmare, the Wise Guy Burger is part burger, part appetizer. And not the good appetizers like fresh crudites – we’re talking fried mozzarella cheese sticks on top of a burger patty. But that’s not all! Try pepperoni slices, banana peppers, marinara sauce and tomatoes all smothered on top of each other.

Too much for most people, right? But here's the kicker -- I modified mine. Subtracted the rabbit food. Added melted provolone cheese on top of the mozzarella sticks. Added the signature Red Robin steak fries under the burger patty (Don't worry -- bottomless fries!). Enjoyed and delighted in its awesomeness.

And I still weigh all of 168 pounds. Granted, I've never had my cholesterol checked for fear of giving the doctor reading the results a heart attack, but that's a conversation for another time. I have yet to physically see any consequences from my eating habits. I love food. I am a fit-looking individual. All is right with the world.

But then I see Kaitlyn. Poor blubbery Kaitlyn. Still a cute blubbery, but who knows if Ronald McDonald will be as kind to her as he has been to me. So I try to eat better with my wife, who's been on my case for years. We grill chicken and make Weight Watcher meals with reduced fat or fat free ingredients. But then there are times like this afternoon. Not to mention the three Whatchamacallits I had this evening. With whole milk. Mmm.

I don't know if Kaitlyn has a chance, but I do know she's enjoying the path she's taken. Even if that path has to be reinforced with steel.


  1. My child is not BLUBBERY! She is pleasantly plump like her mommy.

  2. I'll give one guess as to who wrote that post. If you don't get it correct, I am owed $5.