Who Wants to Go for a Run?

Ed. Note: I sent this email earlier this evening as a result of some news I got this week. Thought it was Growing Up Kaitlyn-worthy. Enjoy.

Dear Friends:

While you are getting this email from Michelle, it's actually James. I didn't have all your email accounts in my address book, so I hijacked my wife's email for this very important announcement.

As you may or may not know, I am a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I eat anything and everything. There's Papa John's The Meats pizza, the entire dollar menu at McDonald's, bottomless Garlic Parmesan Fries at Red Robin, the Tour of Italy at Olive Garden, a Joey Bag of Donuts at Moe's, the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Chang's and countless other foods that, without my support, would likely be taken off menus across this great nation. I do, however, draw the line at Costco-brand dim-sum (thanks, Joe).

Because my body's metabolism has allowed me to eat these wonderfully sinful foods without gaining more than four or five pounds in any given calendar year since I was 15, I never saw the affect any of this was having on my health. Never looked at weight as a problem, never had a total workup during a physical because doctors told me, "You look fine. Anything wrong?" and the answer was no; never had my cholesterol checked, mostly out of fear the nurse reading the results would have a coronary just by looking at the high numbers.

All this changed, however, in my return from semi-retirement. In order to get lower health insurance costs, I had to participate in the company's wellness program. That required getting blood drawn and tests done. The results came back this week. And I need some help.

Apparently, all my fast food friends weren't actually my friends. Can you believe a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese isn't good for you? Yeah, I know. This will in all likelihood end my quest to becoming the next Deep Fried Ambassador. My cholesterol levels are -- how to put this -- higher than Tim Lincecum at HempCon. In plain English, I need to get healthier. And one of those ways is to (brace yourselves) start running again. *GASP*

I figured there's no better motivation than money. I am already dropping the $25 to register for the 2nd Annual Running for the Green on May 22, a 5K that benefits the Greensboro Children's Museum. I figured that not only will I have the motivation to run because I don't want to lose the money, but I would also be giving the money to a good cause -- one that the family will benefit from since we love bringing Kaitlyn to the museum.

So the offer to you is simple: come run with me. It's a mere three miles through Fisher Park on a Saturday morning. If you run with me, I'll even provide my home and the food for a grilling party that afternoon. Heck, come out and support everyone who's running and you too can come to the house (bring your own food though, slacker).

I have 13 weeks to get myself into some semblance of shape (and no, "round" doesn't count). Michelle might even come out and support me if you all bug her enough. But she won't run -- remember the Cannonball?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Talk to you all soon. Later -- James.