Strange(r) Danger: British Lady Dictates Child-Rearing

I think Michelle and I do a pretty good job with Kaitlyn. First, she’s still alive. Second, she still has all her fingers and toes. Third, she’s bigger than a Thanksgiving turkey. Fourth and most importantly, she’s still smiling and giving us hugs when she sees us.

In my book, that’s four-for-four. But some people might see a flaw in my parenting style. They might offer suggestions. They might even send some help.

Enter SuperNanny.

The ABC show (I can’t call it a hit show since I don’t know a single person who has ever watched a whole episode) is heading to Greensboro this weekend for casting calls. Apparently someone let them in on my little Strange(r) Danger post from a week back and thought, “This guy lets his kids play? We need professional help. We need SuperNanny!”

If you haven’t seen the show, a British broad is brought into a completely insane home with completely insane parents and completely insane children to transform them into an insanely complete family.

I thought about this long and hard and even sent Michelle an email:

Me: SuperNanny coming to Greensboro! Do we participate? LOL
Michelle: Totally!

Now I don’t know if she was serious or not, considering her mission in life is to get Kaitlyn “discovered.” I’m guessing she was kidding (please God, tell me she was kidding), but I started to wonder just what SuperNanny would try and improve on.

SuperNanny: Dad, I see you like to write about your dealings with Kaitlyn on the internet. Have you ever thought about how she might feel about this?
Me: No. She's 26 months old.
SuperNanny: Not now, but when she gets older and can understand these things.
Me: Well SuperNanny, I would hope that she would look back on this and see that we did everything we could to raise her right and have fun doing so.
SuperNanny: But you talk about some rather unkind things.
Me: Such as?
Supernanny: Your daughter's weight, for starters. You call her fat.
Me: Yeah. It's cute and funny.
SuperNanny: But don't you think she might develop self-esteem problems later on while reading how her father felt about her growing up?
Me: Um, no. Besides, my wife and I love her no matter what, even if she doesn't grow out of her Butterball figure and looks like you when she grows up.
SuperNanny: Um, okay. Moving on. Now Dad, how do you praise Kaitlyn when she does something good?
Me: Usually with marshmallows. Couldn’t you tell by the belly? Looks like you’ve had a couple marshmallows yourself.
SuperNanny: Dad, that’s not proper. You should make jokes about your daughter’s weight. But it’s good you’re offering some kind of reward. But maybe you should try something a little healthier, like apple slices.
Me: You didn’t answer my question. Have you been sneaking into Kaitlyn’s marshmallows? Kaitlyn might kick you if she finds out.
SuperNanny: Is that a problem with Kaitlyn? Does she act out and roughhouse with other children? Maybe when she doesn’t get her way?
Me: Only if you’re taking her marshmallows. And you’re dodging the question.
SuperNanny: No I am not. Do you have any hot cocoa?
Me: Give me back the marshmallows, SuperNanny.