Katy Perry too sexy for Sesame Street

Today's post is brought to you by the letters OMG.

So Katy Perry decided to make her guest appearance not only with Elmo, but two of her close friends, which apparently will get you booted off Sesame Street.

According to news reports, parents of the longtime children's show have complained to the network, PBS, that Katy's outfit was a little much for their toddlers' eyes. In a statement, the show said that:

...In light of the feedback we've received on the Katy Perry music video which was released on You Tube only, we have decided we will not air the segment on the television broadcast of Sesame Street, which is aimed at preschoolers...

According to the PBS standards guidebook, "Morbid or sensational details, or material that is gratuitously offensive to general taste or manners (e.g., extreme violence, racial epithets, strong language, nudity, sexism), should not be included unless it is necessary to an understanding of the matter at hand."

(It also says that the station will not subject people to "technical trickery," which could mean that Katy's bosom buddies were altered. But if you've seen her California Gurls video, you know that not to be the case. Anyway, I digress.)

Katy is taking it all in stride, even calling out "Tag you're it, Elmo" on Twitter. So tell me your thoughts after viewing the video:

Umizoomi Hell

First came the Gabba Coma. Then came the pure love-fest for Dora. Now, we have Umizoomi.

If you haven't had the pleasure of watching Team Umizoomi on (what else?) Nick Jr., here's the basic setup: Milli, Geo and Bot are a team of heroes who help kids with their daily problems using their "mighty, mighty math powers." Yup -- solving today's problems with math. If only Wall Street and the Fed were able to use that creed, we might not be in the current financial situation we're in. But I digress.

So these three fly around and solve problems like trying to find a kite, looking for a stuffed animal, helping an airplane land and fixing a butterfly costume by identifying shapes, finding patterns and counting. Riiiiiiiight.

For some reason, the kids LOVE this show. For Kaitlyn, it's like Dora, Diego and Mickey rolled into one. She can't get enough of it: on TV, in the stores. Hell, there's even an app for that. I thought kids hated math. Apparently, as long as it's wrapped up in bubble-gum songs and bright colors, they'll eat anything up.

Gabba Coma meets the Obamas

And I thought the Gabba Coma was limited to my house. Now Foofa, Plex, DJ Lance Rock and the rest of the bunch are headed to The House. This was what welcomed me in the inbox today:

Hello James!

On Monday, April 5th, DJ Lance and the rest of the Gabba Gang are rolling up to the White House to perform at this year's Easter Egg Roll for 30,000 attendees from all 50 states! The gang will be taking the Rock 'n' Egg Roll Stage to perform numbers from their mega-successful live tour, Yo Gabba Gabba! Live!: There's A Party In My City , which continues its run in 2010!

Following the First Lady's Let's Move! initiative to combat childhood obesity, the theme of the Easter Egg Roll is 'Ready, Set, Go!' That sounds like the perfect reason for everyone to get up, jump, and DANCE!

Happy Easter, everyone!

Your Gabba-Friends

I'm sure Sasha and Malia will enjoy themselves at this year's egg roll, which has become a celebrity event. And yeah, the Gabbas and DJ Lance know my name. We're good like that.

But on a more serious matter, The Gabba Coma invading the White House explains a lot. The healthcare debacle? Surely. The bank bailout? Most definitely. Rahm Emanuel's choice to attend a Wilco concert? Gabba Conspiracy!

Children's Show Traffic Jam

You'll have to excuse the sugary coma being experienced at Growing Up Kaitlyn. I'm swimming in bubble gum songs and cotton candy goodness.

Sunday was Curious George. Friday is Mickey's Rocking Road Show. We get the month of April off before Dora and Nick Jr. roll into Raleigh. That same week, Sesame Street Live makes its way into Greensboro. Thank goodness Yo Gabba Gabba decided to stay in the Midwest, otherwise I'd be living in a permanent Gabba Coma.

Kaitlyn's been quite spoiled going to these shows. It also helps that Uncle Rob gets some freebies from work and invites us all along (and remember, for all your banking needs, SunTrust).

But it's not necessarily the tickets, which if you're astute you can attend at a relatively good price or if you've got some hookups. Remember, all SunTrust checking accounts come with many, many money saving and time saving features and benefits - all at no extra charge to you.

It's the $8 chicken fingers. It's the $6 balloons. It's the $24 dolls. It's the $4 bottled waters. Granted, Michelle and I don't buy those things unless we're at Walt Disney World and need to keep Kaitlyn from melting down in the first five minutes at a theme park. But for some parents, it adds up quickly, especially if you've got multiple kids clamoring for a little piece of their favorite character.

Luckily Kaitlyn passes all those things with relatively little nudging. I can see the pain in the faces of parents waiting in those lines. But who knows? In another year or two she might go gaga over all this stuff and it will be me in that line, that pain on my face.

Until then, I will be thankful that it's not me walking out of the arena with motorized flashlights, oversized soda mugs and overpriced programs. That's money I can save for the future. A future I'm planning with SunTrust’s retirement specialists, who can help you develop a plan for the retirement you’ve dreamed of.

Dora exploring a little more than we thought

Kaitlyn loves her some Kids on Demand from Time-Warner. I mean, she gets her daily fix of Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go and the other Crack for Children wonderful programming that's available to her age set.

Luckily, though, she wasn't watching sometime around 10 a.m. Tuesday, since she would have gotten a little more than expected:

An 'equipment failure' caused preview clips for adult programming to appear on two channels dedicated for kids in North Carolina ... [Company spokeswoman Melissa] Buscher said the problem appeared on two "Kids on Demand" channels that were showing viewers a list of children's programming such as Dora the Explorer. 'Instead of being a preview for kids programming, you got a preview of adult programming,' she said.

Yikes. Luckily all is right with the world and they apparently fixed the problem. I'll let you know if they didn't when we go home later tonight and a preview for "Dora Does Dallas" is running across the screen.

Be prepared Mickey: Kaitlyn's a-comin'

It's been one year since our inaugural voyage to Walt Disney World with our Disney Girl. The last time we were there, she had a great time playing in the pool, a pretty good time riding It's A Small World, and was terrified at the sight of real-life characters. All in all, a lot of fun.

So here we are, just about 36 hours until the flight takes off from RDU bound for Orlando. This time, though, Kaitlyn's prepared.

She knows Mickey inside-out. Minnie doesn't know this much about the big-eared one. She's a pair of wings shy of being an honest-to-goodness fairy herself. My guess is she would be a Tinker fairy, considering she likes to take things apart (we're working on the putting-things-back-together-again part). The princesses are her new go-to characters, even though she calls Beast "Bear" and mixes up Pocahontas and Mulan. Apparently she's not too politically correct.

I've prepped her extensively regarding proper character etiquette. She's saying all the right things thus far:

Me: Who are we going to see this week Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn: Mickey! Donald! Tinker Bell!
Me: Are we scared of Mickey?
Kaitlyn: No.
Me: Are we scared of Tinker Bell?
Kaitlyn: No.
Me: Are we going to give Mickey a big hug when we see him?
Kaitlyn: Yes.
Me: Can you show me? (big hug ensues)

We're nearly packed. We've got the cameras charged. We've got the tickets in hand. We've got the character breakfast booked. Now it all comes down to execution. And that's up to Kaitlyn. Or else we end up with this again:

A quick repreieve from the Diegosaurus and Doradactyl

She looks like such an angel sleeping on the couch, doesn't she? I mean, Kaitlyn's dreaming of sugarplums and fairies and all that crap while I'm catching my breath after a terrible tantrum that just passed through the house.

By the way, what kid dreams of sugarplums nowadays? I think Kaitlyn is probably dreaming of black and white cookies. Or ice cream sundaes. Yes, definitely ice cream sundaes.

The tantrum was the result of another round of the fun game that we like to call, "Put on Dora, Boots and Diego or I'm going to scream my friggin' head off and cause one of the neighbors to call child services." (What? You haven't played that game before? Oh, it's a hoot, especially when the sheriff's deputies arrive at the front door.)

Today we started the game after coming back from the neighbor's house. It was about time to take a nap and, well, Kaitlyn decided to play "Put on Dora, Boots and Diego or I'm going to scream my friggin' head off and cause one of the neighbors to call child services."

So now it's Mommy and Daddy's turn. There are really three options, two of which cause Mommy and Daddy to lose the game. First, we could always put on Dora or Diego, which means we lose the game because 1) we just allowed Mr. Toshiba to play babysitter, and 2) Kaitlyn wouldn't fall asleep while watching the show, which just postpones the game. Sort of like a dinner break in the middle of Monopoly.

Second, we could opt to divert her attention to another activity, usually coloring, taking a walk or playing with Little People (not actual little people, because that would just be too cool). Unfortunately, Kaitlyn now understands that she can do these things while watching Dora or Diego, which has rendered the divertion tactic as useless.

Third (and this is where the heart of "Put on Dora, Boots and Diego or I'm going to scream my friggin' head off and cause one of the neighbors to call child services" comes from), we could tell her no and let the fit hit the shan. In order to "win" the game after taking this route, Mommy and Daddy must calm Kaitlyn down before, as the name of the game implies, one of the neighbors calls child services.

Luckily, Mommy and Daddy have never lost this game, even though it has been really, really close at times. The other night, Kaitlyn almost won the game:

Celebrity collateral in the Nick Jr.-Disney turf war

As I've mentioned earlier, Nick Jr. has been slowly encroaching on my Disney Girl. Michelle and I (with some help from Nana and Pop-Pop this past week) have attempted to sway her to righteousness. But the allure of Gabba, Diego and Ming-Ming is too much to turn Kaitlyn's attention for too long.

And then there's Dora. Oh, you sneaky, sneaky Latina explorer. You've gained a foothold into my daughter's heart that is only matched by Tinker Bell. But Tink doesn't have the pop culture collateral that Dora can pull.

Even the NBA superstars are jumping off the Disney bandwagon and getting into the Nick Jr. Check out first overall draft pick Blake Griffin oozing all things Dora:



What's next? Will Super Bowl MVPs start chanting "Universal Studios" instead of "Disney World"?

And on a side note, in an attempt to capitalize on Dora's popularity, the powers-that-be at Nickelodeon and Mattel are whoring her out for your children's money updating her image, creating a 'tween Dora. What's next, I ask you?

Kaitlyn: The Gabba-Grooming Mash-Up

We all know about the Gabba Coma thanks to Kaitlyn. We all know how to properly take care of ourselves thanks to her grooming tips.

But have you ever thought of combining the two? Of course you haven't. But have no fear, this is why we keep Kaitlyn around.

The Search for Whatchamacallit

Ever since I penned my Halloween Missive, I've been craving a Whatchamacallit. And you know what happens when you want something at a very precise moment: That's right, you can never find one.

You see, the Whatchamacallit is probably the most underrated confection in human history. Now, some people might try and tell you otherwise, naming such sugary goodness as Snickers or Three Musketeers or the God-awful Almond Joy. Don't get me wrong; I love a Snickers. But as far as pure gold, there's no topping the chocolately-caramelly-peanuty goodness that is the Whatchamacallit.

I don't know when candy decided to get all serious, offering us 78% Cacao and ultra-rich dark chocolate on our Junior Mints, but in came the pretentiousness and out went the fun. I mean, how much more can you improve on a friggin' Junior Mint. Or a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Or a plain ol' honest-to-goodness Hershey Bar. And by the way, Hersey: If you ever decide to pull a New Coke on me with your original Hershey Bar, I will lead the boycott. Seriously, I think I account for 12% of your gross sales alone. Think about it.

So I've been looking for a Whatchamacallit for the last week and a half, thinking Oh, it's Halloween. They'll be around every corner. Nope. Looked in the grocery stores. Nada. Checked out Target. Empty. Where the hell are the Whatchamacallits? I mean, if they can still sell Mounds and the God-awful Almond Joy, there still must be a Whatchamacallit somewhere. I mean, I feel like Charlie Bucket over here.

So since I've been awake since 4 a.m. thanks to a toddler's screwed up internal clock (thank-you, daylight savings time), I decided to find me some damn Whatchamacallits, even if it took me ordering directly from Hershey.

You know what I found? An awesome Hershey's search tool that provides you with the exact locale for any of Hershey's confectionery delights:

Let us help you find your favorite HERSHEY’S product. HERSHEY’S products are available nearly everywhere. However, if you’re having trouble finding one in the United States, we can help! Select the specific product, the zip code where you shop and the distance you are willing to travel to purchase that great HERSHEY’S item. With so many delicious choices, we are not able to include all of our products in this locator. If you are still unable to find your favorite, please contact us.

So thanks to Hershey's, I will be making my way to the local CVS after dropping Kaitlyn off at daycare. Whatchamacallit, you beckon ...

Baby Einstein doesn't make children actual Einsteins

Kaitlyn loves her some television. Now, we don't plop her down in front of it for hours on end and let it entertain her. But she loves escaping into her Gabba Coma or Tinker Bell-induced psychosis.

One thing she never caught on to was the whole Baby Einstein phenomenon. We got a video or two after recommendations from friends. Gave'em a try, but Kaitlyn never got into them. Okay, so it's not for everybody.

Apparently, Baby Einstein isn't for anybody, at least according to the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, which has been on a witch hunt we haven't seen the likes of since Happy, Doc and the bunch went after a certain queen.

Last week, after constant prodding, Disney announced that it would refund anyone who purchased the Baby Einstein babysitters time-wasters DVDs because they, in fact, did not make children geniuses.

"We see it as an acknowledgment by the leading baby video company that baby videos are not educational, and we hope other baby media companies will follow suit by offering refunds,” said Susan Linn, director of Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

I'm all for turning off the TV to spend time with the kids. Do it all the time with Kaitlyn. But most of us grew up with at least a little boob-tube, which didn't rot our brains. It might have made us a little partial to certain products, but that's okay. We played outside and ran off the extra calories.

But let's not turn nothing into something here. If you actually thought purchasing a DVD was going to make your two-year-old a certified genius, you've got bigger problems than a talking sock puppet taking your $15. Besides, there are more pressing matters regarding children's television.

Cognitive Development, aka Watching the wheels turn in Kaitlyn's head

For those of you out there who actually pay attention to this blog, I haven't forgotten about you.

You see, I've actually had some real things going on, like interviews and contract assignments and volunteering (you read that right!). So I've been a little slow on posting new and wonderful things about me, my wife and, of course, Kaitlyn.

I realized I was shirking my blogging responsibilities the other night while watching Kaitlyn watch TV. Watch TV? you say. Why is that? Good question. I'll explain.

You see, prior to the other night, Kaitlyn watching TV was sort of like deer staring into headlights. She would gaze blankly at that big box like she was daddy watching this, this or this (Baywatch, you will never be forgotten). Hence, the Gabba Coma.

But a funny thing has started happening. You see, Kaitlyn has begun to actually understand the things going on in her television shows. The first time I noticed it, she was watching My Friends Tigger & Pooh. Tigger said something, a joke or punchline of some sort, and Kaitlyn started laughing. Laughing.

I couldn't believe it. First I thought, She didn't just do that, did she? Then she did it again a couple moments later, a direct reaction to something that happened on the show.

It doesn't just stop there. While watching Tinker Bell, for example, she will scream at the television "Oh no, Tinker Bell" when the little fairy vixen (yes, I said that. For more details, read here) is in trouble. Same with other TV shows and her favorite characters.

It's not just television. She tips over her snacks. "Oh no. Sorry Mommy." She accidentily hits Boo with a ball. "Uh-oh, sorry Boo-Boo." She jumps on me and lands squarely on the goods, sending me in writhing pain and making Michelle crack up. First, laughter. Then, "Oh No. Sorry Daddy."

It's all quite fascinating (besides getting the goods flattened). I mean, what's next? Taking her to the bus stop? Getting a permit? Selling those God-awful tubes of wrapping paper and tins of cookies? Oh wait, they've already started that. More on that in a future post.

It's all too real sometimes.

Bring back Johnny and the Sprites!

Before the Gabba Coma, there was Nonny.

"Johnny and the Sprites" was a Playhouse Disney television series that ran for two seasons. It was Kaitlyn's first foray into the world of Disney, her initiation to becoming a Disney Girl.

You see, there used to be joy in our house each morning, as Kaitlyn would stir around 6 a.m., which was our cue to get ready for the day. The only thing that would soothe our daughter while we showered and changed was the humming of John Tartaglia, Basil, Lily, Ginger and Root.

The first time we saw this show, I was surprised to find my wife laughing hysterically at the lyric "I just need an hour/with this cauliflower" being sung by the character Seymour (Episode title: Seymour the Sleuth, original air date: Feb. 2007. You're welcome, honey). That morning began a love affair for Kaitlyn with Johnny (or "Nonny," as he is known in our house) and his band of magical friends.

We watched the show every day, mostly because it was the only thing Kaitlyn wanted to do. Some of her first words were the characters on the show. When we were able to get our hands on a copy of the show's DVD, we had it on replay. When we found a soundtrack, we couldn't stop playing it out of fear of a tantrum. To this day Kaitlyn claps and cheers "yea Nonny" after each song.

We started DVR-ing episodes to have, just in case she wanted to watch Nonny sometime in the evening, or if she wasn't feeling well. We emptied the DVR of all but one episode sometime in the fall of 2008. A week later, Disney pulled the show from its Playhouse Disney rotation. Nonny was given the ax. We weren't given an explanation. No press release. Just some parents like me asking, "Why?"

The Sprite puppets probably are sitting in a warehouse somewhere on a backlot under the remains of a Fraggle. Tartaglia is now off on Broadway playing a wooden boy.

But life goes on in our house. The DVR-ed episode (Johnny's Not Invited/Basil and the Beanstalk) can now be recited word-for-word by me and my wife. We know the words to the CD like it was August and Everything After. Kaitlyn, while moving on to Mickey, Dora and others, still comes back to Nonny every so often. But it's not enough.

For those of you out there who understand this, are fans of Johnny and the Sprites, or just want to make my little girl happy, I have started an online petition asking the Big Mouse to bring Nonny back. At the every least, give me a way to watch old episodes with my daughter. Even if I have to pay for a damn DVD of the two seasons I was able to enjoy.

For your viewing pleasure:

Nick Jr. encroaching on my Disney daughter

It used to be so simple.

You see, Kaitlyn was always a Disney Girl. Was always going to be one. We had the Disney bloodline -- my parents always brought us to WDW, have Disney timeshare, even had a Mickey Mouse clock in our family room that took up two-thirds of the wall space. Hell, my sister got married at the Grand Floridian and the wedding pics had Cinderella's Castle and the damn monorail in the background.

We're a Disney family. Always have been, always will be. And so I thought with Kaitlyn. Early on, things were simple. Kaitlyn loved her some Mouse. She would point out characters in the books we would read. She'd drop her jaw at Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Darby and everyone else in the Hundred Acre Woods.

I got Michelle to cave and we brought Kaitlyn to Disney earlier this year, well before the mandatory "She's got to be out of diapers and able to walk the whole damn park on her own" timeline she had originally set forth. Even got Kaitlyn into that new Tinker Bell storyline, which I just don't buy (and when did Disney decided to make Tink a Playboy Bunny, anyway?).

But now things are changing. Minnie is being replaced by Dora, Goofy by Diego. Handy Manny is getting brushed aside for The Wonder Pets. I won't even mention The Gabba Coma. Nothing against Nick Jr., which is quite a good channel. But Moose can't hold a candle to the Icon, nor will I let him.

Mark my words: Kaitlyn will remain a Disney Girl. Sure, I'll let her indulge in DJ Lance for a little while longer, but soon enough the princesses will come calling. And she'll be back to her roots. Her Disney roots.

Yo Gabba Gabba! is crack for children

There are very few things that will take hold of my daughter's attention to such a degree that she becomes bewitched. That's the result of a hyperactive father and a mother who claims to be ADD, undiagnosed of course.

One of those things, as we have found out over the last week or so, is the phenomenon known as Yo Gabba Gabba!, or as I like to call it, Crack for Children.

If you're unfamiliar with the show, consider yourself lucky. For parents of older children or grandparents who lived through the Age of Barney, it's sort of like that. Lots of colorful characters who sing and dance and drive parents crazy (see video at bottom of post). Here's the primer from Wikipedia:

Hosted by a character named DJ Lance Rock, the series features a mix of live-action segments featuring cartoonish costumed characters—Muno (the red cyclops), Foofa (the pink flower bubble), Brobee (a little green monster), Toodee (the blue cat-dragon) and Plex (the magic yellow robot)--and many short animated sketches and musical numbers.

Now, that doesn't entirely explain the grasp it holds on children like Kaitlyn, so I've provided some exhibits:

Exhibit A: You will notice in the background that Yo Gabba Gabba! is on, namely the little pink thing that goes by the name of Foofa.

Exhibit B: As you see, Kaitlyn is in a trance while watching this show, which from this point forward will be termed "The Gabba Coma."

The Gabba Coma can be broken, of course. Here are the steps: First, turn off the television. Second, listen as your child throws the temper tantrum of her little life, which includes crocodile tears, screams of "No!" and "Gabba!", and hysterical breathing. It's sort of like when mom sees this.

Here's my advice: If you have not introduced Yo Gabba Gabba! to your toddler, do not do so until they are fully aware that television shows have beginnings AND endings. If your toddler has symptoms of The Gabba Coma, use up all of the space in your DVR and put recorded episodes on continuous playback until your little one falls asleep.