Growing Up Kaitlyn

Thank You, Charlie Sheen

2011-03-12T04:41:00.002-05:00

I hate Two and a Half Men. Not vehemently, mind you. The first season and a half was good. But the show -- much like most of television -- has gone down the crapper thanks to a proliferation of sex jokes, prat falls, drug humor ... and did I mention sex jokes?

The role of Jon Cryer's Alan has morphed from pathetic hanger-on to, well, really pathetic hanger-on that (surprise!) makes way too many sex jokes. Angus T. Jones was cute when he was 10. Now he's just a dorky teenager that (surprise!) makes way too many sex jokes.

The show's only saving grace? Charlie Sheen. Couple reasons why: First, his character hasn't morphed or grown up. He is who he was when the show started. Whether you liked the character or not, at least it was something to count on. Second, he knows how to deliver a line. Third, he's the only one who can get away with (surprise!) making way too many sex jokes. That's Charlie's thing.

Crazy enough, the best season of Two and a Half Men is the one going on right now. Drunken Charlie goes off on a drunken weekend, sleeps with three women, and gets himself left in the Las Vegas desert. Meanwhile, back in Malibu, Alan watches scrambled porn and determines a way to explain all this to Jake, who's just sitting there all doughy and goofy, wondering where the last MoonPie went, even though it's under his pillow. Sounds like a great plot, right? This is real-time, off camera. Golden Globe!

Where's this going? Why are we mentioning this in a Daddy blog? I'm getting there, hold on ...

This off-camera debacle has truly turned into a great episodic season. And whether you're on Team Warlock or Team Troll, you have to admit the entertainment value has been enormous. Hookers, back-talking, alcohol, trolls, drug rumors, the word bipolar thrown around more than at a Global Warming Summit, Adonis DNA, a couple more hookers (you know, just for good measure), #tigerblood, Twitter, warlocks and goddesses.

And ...

Duh, winning.

I have to say, I can't get enough of it. Has a more genius two-word phrase ever been uttered at the most precise time in the history of man? I mean, we can debate the merits of more profound, more impactful and more insightful at another time. But genius? This has to take the cake.

It's been tweeted. It's been parodied. It's been mocked and praised all at the same time. Pure genius.

Charlie Sheen's idea of #winning has gone more than viral. It's even made it to the mouths of children. Kaitlyn got it from Mommy, who got it from Daddy, who got it from Charlie.

So thank you, Charlie Sheen. You have taught my daughter about #winning.

I Want to Remember

2011-03-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

"I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine -- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could (take) some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat."

-V, V for Vendetta

Stepping back into the Blogosphere is a little unsettling. I mean, I'm not really stepping back in, since I still blog. I just do it for a salary now. But over the last five-plus months, I've neglected my baby here. I've been so busy worrying about work that I forgot what I love. I know; heavy stuff, right?

About a week ago I decided to get back into the ring with my baby, Growing Up Kaitlyn. But I really didn't know how to do it. You see, after you make promises and don't keep them, it's not easy to swallow that pill and come back. It's easier just to let the ball drop and not pick it back up.

Problem is, that would work if I didn't have the most perfect reminder of why I started this in the first place staring at me each and every day. With that, I knew it was time to get back into the game.

And so here I am, to go through (again) the hopes, the fears, the dreams, the snot and the frustration that is fatherhood. Sometimes it's all rolled into one. Sometimes, it trickles out. Much like the snot. One minute, you're wondering where all the time went. Like, say, the last five and a half months.

The next, you're stuck in a moment that will never seem to go away. Like when your daughter asks you to dance with her Cinderella Barbie to "Teenage Dream" sung by the cast of Glee. Not that that's ever happened or anything.

I never appreciated those moments more than when I was writing Growing Up Kaitlyn. Because each moment is its own story, something that should be shared and experienced and remembered. But if we're just going moment to moment without taking them in -- or, even worse, without the ability to remember them because they are moving by so quickly -- then we are lost.

I don't want to be lost anymore. I want to remember.

The Return ...

2011-03-03T21:01:00.000-05:00

Countdown clock on. Be afraid.

Be very afraid ...

Growing Up Kaitlyn is, well, growing up

2010-09-29T10:15:00.019-04:00

I've been writing this blog for a year now. Kind of hard to believe.

I started because it's kind of boring being semi-retired. I needed something to consume my time. I needed a creative outlet. I needed to get out of the funk of not having a job.

I had Michelle. I had Kaitlyn. I had friends and family who were supportive. But there was something missing. Besides money. A sense of accomplishment maybe, which (no matter what Michelle continued to say) wasn't satiated by dusting, laundry or ironing.

So I started writing. Heck, I was getting paid as much as my days as an actual journalist (zing!). There wasn't anything worth writing about except ~~fantasy football~~ ~~poker legality in North Carolina~~ ~~Family Guy~~ Michelle and Kaitlyn.
So for 365 days, Growing Up Kaitlyn has grown up with Kaitlyn. We've had holidays, birthdays, vacations, learning experiences and everything in between. We've introduced you to the Natural Science Center of Greensboro, the NC Zoo, The Gabba Coma, Smith Street Diner, and, of course, Feeney's. There's been so, so much that it's not possible to list it all. Well, it actually is possible, but completely unnecessary since you can just look at the Past Posts on the right.

So thank you to everyone's whose stopped by. I hope you've found something and come back for more. Thank you to the family and friends who have laughed and commented and shared. I write Growing Up Kaitlyn for me, but I know you enjoy it, too.

Thank you, Michelle. You've been a foil, an editor, a voice of reason, a pain in my rump. You've been supportive and critical. You've been perfect. There, I said it. Don't expect it again until our anniversary.

And most importantly, the biggest thank you of all goes to the smallest person. You have no clue what Daddy is doing and you don't care. Sometimes you say that Daddy is working. Other times you just want to see pictures, so you unwittingly help me choose the photos for this blog. You have been my muse through it all, and will continue to be. Sometimes you just yell at me to get off the computer and come do a puzzle.

You might get older and you might get bigger. Soon you won't want to hold Daddy's hand when we're taking a walk. Some day you'll probably curse me under your breath when I don't give you the car keys. But through it all, you will always be my little girl. And no matter what we've been through and what we encounter, I know I'll always have something to learn.

I'll always be Growing Up Kaitlyn.

Katy Perry too sexy for Sesame Street

2010-09-23T17:18:00.000-04:00

Today's post is brought to you by the letters OMG.

So Katy Perry decided to make her guest appearance not only with Elmo, but two of her close friends, which apparently will get you booted off Sesame Street.

According to news reports, parents of the longtime children's show have complained to the network, PBS, that Katy's outfit was a little much for their toddlers' eyes. In a statement, the show said that:

...In light of the feedback we've received on the Katy Perry music video which was released on You Tube only, we have decided we will not air the segment on the television broadcast of Sesame Street, which is aimed at preschoolers...

According to the PBS standards guidebook, "Morbid or sensational details, or material that is gratuitously offensive to general taste or manners (e.g., extreme violence, racial epithets, strong language, nudity, sexism), should not be included unless it is necessary to an understanding of the matter at hand."

(It also says that the station will not subject people to "technical trickery," which could mean that Katy's bosom buddies were altered. But if you've seen her California Gurls video, you know that not to be the case. Anyway, I digress.)

Katy is taking it all in stride, even calling out "Tag you're it, Elmo" on Twitter. So tell me your thoughts after viewing the video:

Aunt Shannon's getting hitched today

2010-09-18T13:40:00.000-04:00

We've got a wedding on this great fall day, as our wonderful Aunt Shannon is getting hitched. In honor of her, here's an oldie, but goodie.

A preemptive congrats to the happy couple.

Daredevil Kaitlyn

2010-09-14T20:45:00.001-04:00

Someone's got a little daredevil in her. It freaks Mommy out a bit. And to be honest, to see some of the things she does, it kind of makes me a little nervous, too.

At first, it was the typical jump on Mommy and Daddy. Then she graduated to jumping on the bed. Then, from the couch to the floor. Then the whole Tumblebus craze hit and she started somersaulting and rolling and even more jumping. Finally, the Little Gym birthday party just pushed it all over the top.

There's been no stopping her since. Jumping off the ottoman, leaping from the stairs, hurling herself over the couch.

I'm not saying I was any better.

I still remember playing in my basement growing up, we used to have those old-timey school desks. You know, the all-metal, four-legged, drawer-on-the-inside desks that stood about three feet tall. Well, we didn't play school with those things.

We played "Let's see who can leap from desk to desk the most times." Because nothing says "playtime" like jumping from one lopsided perch to another lopsided perch with nothing but an undeveloped skeletal bone protecting your brain from the cold, hard, barren cement floor.

But, you know, kids bounce. I'm just hoping Kaitlyn learns that trick. Soon.

Umizoomi Hell

2010-09-12T15:15:00.000-04:00

First came the Gabba Coma. Then came the pure love-fest for Dora. Now, we have Umizoomi.

If you haven't had the pleasure of watching Team Umizoomi on (what else?) Nick Jr., here's the basic setup: Milli, Geo and Bot are a team of heroes who help kids with their daily problems using their "mighty, mighty math powers." Yup -- solving today's problems with math. If only Wall Street and the Fed were able to use that creed, we might not be in the current financial situation we're in. But I digress.

So these three fly around and solve problems like trying to find a kite, looking for a stuffed animal, helping an airplane land and fixing a butterfly costume by identifying shapes, finding patterns and counting. Riiiiiiiight.

For some reason, the kids LOVE this show. For Kaitlyn, it's like Dora, Diego and Mickey rolled into one. She can't get enough of it: on TV, in the stores. Hell, there's even an app for that. I thought kids hated math. Apparently, as long as it's wrapped up in bubble-gum songs and bright colors, they'll eat anything up.

Making sense

2010-09-08T21:17:00.001-04:00

"Perhaps God tires of calling

the aged to His fold,

So He picks a rosebud

before it can grow old ..."

I don't understand a lot of things in this world. The origins of the universe. All 9,833 sections of the Internal Revenue Code. How to calculate a quarterback's Passer Rating.

Most of the things I don't understand, someone can sit me down and teach me. Or at least have some semblance of an explanation. Whether I can understand said explanation is a different story, but the explanation is more than likely reasonable, something the semi-educated person can grasp.

I don't understand the death of a child.

People can stop many things in this world. People can explain many problems. People can heal many illnesses. When a child passes, people cannot do any of those things. Cannot stop grieving. Cannot explain sorrow. Cannot heal broken hearts. Only time can do those things. And in this saddest of circumstances, time is against us.

We want time to pass more quickly: to begin our healing, end our grieving, explain our sorrow. Sadly, it doesn't. Everything moves in slow motion; every second feels like an hour, every hour a day, and so on.

All we can do is sit and wait for time to catch up to us, a race that can't be won.

When an adult dies, there's the expectation that person lived their life -- played their first tee ball game, had their first kiss, went on their first date, owned their first car, had their first job. That person had experiences that can be reflected upon. When a child dies, there are only what-ifs.

We can think about the joy children bring us, the beauty that pours out of them. We can think of all of the happiness they filled the world with in their short time here. We can tell stories and show pictures and laugh and cry and laugh some more.

But then there's the silence. Then, the tears. Lather, rinse, repeat.

You might be able to give me reasons for why a child dies, but you can't ever explain it. It's one of those things in this world I will never fully understand.

"...So when a little child departs,

we who are left behind

Must realize God loves children --

Angels are hard to find."

Julia Roberts is more tolerable as a spider

2010-08-21T09:08:00.000-04:00

With Mommy away this weekend, it's all about Daddy and Kaitlyn and the trouble we can get into. So last night we made our way down to Greensboro's Center City Park for Center City Cinema.

It's a regular summertime occurrence in Greensboro, but its moved to the fancy, new park across the street from the old grungier park, which was a much better location. But because the city spent a couple million dollars to build a park right next to another park, they figured it might as well be used. Don't get me wrong -- it's a very nice one-city-block park, but there's something about the old place that was cozier.

Here are some other notes from the night:
Dear Center City Cinema organizers: When you say the movie starts at 8 p.m., to people with children that means 8 p.m.; not 8:15 p.m. or 8:30 p.m., but 8 p.m. Little kids -- especially two-and-a-half-year-olds who have no concept of time -- are tough to sit still for long periods of time. And when you need to arrive an hour early to have room for a blanket and a seat near your 10'x10' screen (side note: get a bigger screen), you value promptness in movie start times.

Dear patrons of Center City Park: the place is smoke-free. With the number of little children running around, all I ask is that you move to the sidewalk -- that is 12 steps away and behind a group of trees -- from the park bench you're sitting on to have the cigarette. No problem with you smoking; just be kind to the kids and don't blow smoke in their faces, capeche?

Dear City of Greensboro: technically you maintain the park and all, so this is directed at you. The WiFi in the park is horrible. Absolutely horrible. Had better juice with my regular 3G connection. And I'm on AT&T.

Dear Julia Roberts: You should do more voice-over roles. They suit you, since I don't have to see that annoying Julia Roberts laugh that inevitably appears in every movie. She did it in this one, this one, this one, of course this one ... we could do this all day. But in last night's movie, the live-action Charlotte's Web, Julia Roberts (playing Charlotte herself) wasn't so ... annoying. Because the fact is, every Julia Roberts movie role seems to get this message across:

I mean, really. I'm not the only one who thinks it. Just sayin'.

Dear Kaitlyn: I just wanted to add a little blurb down here to say you were awesome last night. Granted, Daddy's back is hurting him and all you wanted to do was sit on his chest and drive his back into the ground. I'm definitely paying the price this morning. But it was a small price to pay, since you had such a good time last night and were such a good girl.

Now please excuse me while I go pop six or so ibuprofen. Chased with some Mother's Cure.

In Pictures: Kaitlyn's first boat trip

2010-08-17T11:45:00.007-04:00

So it was a long three week stretch here. Daddy's been busting his tail for work, just wrapping up Market America 2010 International Convention. Lots of hours, lots of work, little time to recover. Eighteen out of 19 days at work, mostly extended hours.

For a four-day stretch, I didn't see Kaitlyn awake. Barely saw Mommy awake during those days, too. Yikes.

So what was a family to do? A little R&R, thanks to some friends. Growing Up Kaitlyn was invited out to Belews Lake, which is a pretty sweet place not too far from home base here in the BFE. So Saturday afternoon, we trekked out to the lake, met our friends and enjoyed some swimming and tubing in 90-degree lake water (thanks in some part to the Duke Energy Plant right on its banks. Don't worry -- the green glow only last a couple hours).

Thanks goes out to our hosts for the day, as they provided not only the boat, but the food, drink and generous hospitality that made us forget about work for just a couple of hours. It was very, very, very needed and much appreciated.

Kaitlyn enjoying her first time on a boat

Kaitlyn and Daddy in the water. I've been in hot tubs colder than Belews Lake

Mommy and Kaitlyn enjoying a swim together

Mommy and Kaitlyn (with her new friend Maya) getting ready to ride the waves

Promises, promises.

2010-08-16T20:27:00.000-04:00

So it's been more than a month since my last post. Yeah, yeah, yeah: I know I said work would affect Growing Up Kaitlyn. I know I dropped the ball on that (twice).

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Right?

Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm going to try and not fall into this pit for a third time. I promise to do better. I promise to post more frequently. ~~I promise to use work time to get the job done.~~ I promise to keep you all abreast of everything Kaitlyn because, well, it's Kaitlyn. She's friggin' adorable and smart and playful and hilarious and adorable and everything else.

So here's the deal: I promise to do all I can to keep Growing Up Kaitlyn going strong. All you have to do is keep me on my toes. Leave comments asking where the heck I am if you haven't seen something new in, oh, four or so days. Shoot me a comment on Facebook. Reply via Twitter.

Let me know what you're missing. Because sometimes, when you're Growing Up Kaitlyn, there's so much to share that we forget.

The Weekly Wrap-Up

2010-07-10T09:25:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged in a couple days. Sue me. It just gets busy sometimes. Kinda makes me long for the days of semi-retirement. Kinda.

So here's the weekly wrap-up from Growing Up Kaitlyn. In Pictures!

Official league sign-ups start at age 3.

Let me give you a little more detail on this. You all know I want her to be a golfer -- plenty of scholarship opportunities, it's a sport where women can actually make a real-life wage, travel the world. But she's taken a ridiculous liking to kicking things, especially balls. ~~Just like her mother.~~ And it's a heck of a lot cheaper to register for soccer than buy golf clubs. So next year, we'll be spending plenty of time on the soccer fields.

Waiting for the fireworks to begin.

You know how most fireworks displays are placed to music and they shoot off two or three shells at a time, with different colors and patterns to catch your eye? The Northeast Park fireworks "display" was more like the two drunks down the street who drive to South Carolina to buy fireworks illegal in North Carolina and only have one cannon. They shot off one firework at a time. For over an hour. And they ran out of music halfway through, or the DJ packed up because he said to himself, Damn this is long. And the end result: A long line out at 11 p.m. (we got there at, like, 6:30 p.m.) and this:

Moving on ...

Fun with Lily at Rob & Emily's Fourth of July BBQ

SuperKaitlyn

So she's been acting a little crazy lately. She likes to tie a dish towel around her neck (the hair tie is a must-have accessory on her cape, as well) and run back and forth through the kitchen and living room screaming "Super Baby" or "Super Kaitlyn" (depending on her mood). Like I said, a little crazy.

Partners in crime

Thanks to the near-100 degree days throughout the East Coast, we've been spending a lot of time post-dinner at the pool. This is Evan. He lives up the street. He is Kaitlyn's partner in crime not only in the neighborhood, but also at daycare. He rules the four-year-olds, while Kaitlyn commands the younger ones. It's almost like a mini-Mafia. Just substitute juice boxes and pop tarts for cocaine and bookies.

Making mini pizza. Yum.

Why am I showing you a picture of Kaitlyn making mini-pizza? For one, because anything she does is just friggin' cute and shows off her tremendous intelligence. But more importantly -- it represents our ability to cook at home for an entire week; no take-out, no restaurants. Go us.

In case you want some more frequent updates on the happenings of Growing Up Kaitlyn, I suggest you start checking those Twitter posts (psst: you don't even have to go to Twitter; there's a little update box on the right side of the blog). And finally, see if you can find Kaitlyn:

Childhood Days in Keansburg

2010-07-04T08:55:00.001-04:00

Kaitlyn's quite lucky to be here in Greensboro. There are plenty of things to do; from the Children's Museum to the Science Center to the Zoo (well, it's not in Greensboro, but close enough), there's always something for us to do with her.

When she gets older, there will be all of the above, plus Wet N' Wild water park, Greensboro Grasshoppers baseball games, all of those parks and playgrounds that we continue to discover and so on and so forth. There isn't a shortage of activity, to say the least.

That was the case when we were kids. There was always something happening -- whether it was bowling at the old Strike N' Spare, pitch-and-putt at Green Knoll, the occasional trip to Dave's Auction for some ice cream while stale cigarette smoke filled the air.

But, for the money, nothing beat Keansburg. Sure, there were places with bigger amusements (Wildwood), more name recognition (Atlantic City), more games of chance (Seaside Height), but there was something about Keansburg.

I remember driving in the van with the family, meeting Aunt Jo Ann and Grandma in one of the many storefront gambling halls playing video poker and skeeball for tokens that I would inevitably use on baseball cards. We'd stroll across the street to another, maybe the one with the candy wheel and try to win value packs of Reese's Cups or another sugary treat. Walk to the amusement area and wonder why the rides weren't working, not realizing that my family was (for a few years, there) the only one walking the amusement area.

It's apparently making a bit of a comeback, which is good. I'd like to bring Kaitlyn down to Keansburg one day, when she's old enough to play the games on her own. It was a big part of growing up, so why shouldn't it be a part of Growing Up Kaitlyn?

Goodbye, Old Friend

2010-06-23T21:18:00.000-04:00

We said goodbye to a good friend this week, a friend who has been there through thick and thin, good times and bad. Our beloved Nikon CoolPix has bit the bullet.

We've had this little camera for a couple years now. After much nit-picking, scrutinizing and Michelle's amazing coupon negotiating skills, we finally switched to the Digital Age and left 35mm behind. It was the perfect camera: fit in your pocket, shoot video~~, leap tall buildings in a single bound~~ and much more.

Many of the pictures on this blog have come from that little camera -- The Greatest Little Camera in the World has been Growing Up Kaitlyn before there was a Growing Up Kaitlyn. It was there when Kaitlyn was born, when she took her first steps, trips to the zoo, ~~when she farted and had diarrhea but Michelle wouldn't let me post the video even though it was one of the funniest things I ever witnessed in my life~~. It's been there for many major moments.

It's gone to California, Las Vegas, New Jersey and Myrtle Beach. And that's where our wonderful little CoolPix finally met its end.

I don't know if it was being smashed at the bottom of the beach bag, the minuscule wind-swept sand particles or the constant beating from Kaitlyn playing, but halfway through our trip the Greatest Little Camera in the World went kaput. The ugly grey screen, complete with its "Lens Error" message and buzzing, is still taunting us.

So it's time to finally say goodbye. I've already scoped out the possible replacement cameras and, sufficed to say, I'm not impressed. Don't know what it is, but something was just perfect about our Nikon.

But I'm sure we'll find another Greatest Little Camera in the World. It just won't have the memories of this one. But I guess we'll have to make new ones.

Skyping your playdates

2010-06-12T08:59:00.000-04:00

I remember when I was growing up and we used to run across the street to see our friends, or ride our bikes up the road to another friend's house. There were the few occasions that Mom would drive us to someone's house and we'd play there all day.

Fast forward to today, when many of those interactions are done virtually among today's children. Whether it be IM, text messaging or online gaming, kids today just don't see each other. They might communicate, but they don't interact. I see this as a problem, but apparently I'm not one of the cool kids, which isn't anything new. I mean, you don't get voted "Most Talkative" in high school because they like you, right?

I digress. The cool kids from yesteryear are now the cool parents who are experimenting with video playdates, which is exactly as it sounds -- kids playing with kids via computer modems and monitors. Which isn't really playing as much as watching a really lame reality TV show.

One of the leaders in this new realm of non-playing playdates is Lana Yarosh, a Ph.D. candidate in human-centered computing at Georgia Tech University. She's tinkered with regular video chats for kids, having kids play show-and-tell with multiple cameras and even WWE-style action sequences: "In another [method], playmates share a virtual playpen of sorts, where they see each others' toys and bodies projected onto the floor."

"They were jumping on top of each other. They were having battles. One of the kids said, 'This is a lot of fun and it's actually better than being in the same room because we're not hurting each other.'

The purpose of these video playdates, Yarosh says, is for "friends to stay in touch when their parents can't drive them to each other's houses or to the park." To her credit, Yarosh does state that video playdates are "more work" because, you know, they're not in the same room. But Yarosh believes the same level of social interaction takes place in these virtual playdates.

The reaction by the masses: Thanks, but no thanks. I tend to agree. One of the highlights of the weekends for us is when Kaitlyn repeatedly asks us who we're going to see that day. It could be Declan-Lilly (they're always combined, I don't know why), it could be Baby E, it might be Sophia. She loves playing with her friends, running around in circles and pushing strollers and playing with dolls and cars and laughing. Lots and lots of laughing.

No matter how busy the schedule is, we'll always make time to bring Kaitlyn to see her friends. The need for interaction is important -- it helps shape who we are, it helps us later in life (see: School) and it creates a fun environment to explore and imagine.

Skype has its place; we love talking to Nana and Pop-Pop and Aunt Debbie, Uncle Chris and Cousin Colin and everyone else who has it. It just doesn't seem like a substitute for human interaction.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my online Scrabble game with Michelle. She's texting me feverishly from the other room because it's my turn.

Fast Food Playhouse of Horror

2010-06-11T21:37:00.002-04:00

So you all know I'm one of those laid-back sort of dads, right? I don't go all bonkers when Kaitlyn falls and scrapes her knee. I toss her ten feet in the air on the sidewalk confident in my ability to catch her. I don't shout when the kids in class are playing rough; besides, they probably learned it from her.

But I do draw the line at older kids trying to toss my little girl around. Case in point: the local fast food playground.

You know these things: small places where parents can presumably take their toddlers to burn off those 1,200 calorie kid's meals while Mom and Dad check email on their iPhone. Kids run around, sliding down slides, playing in make-believe cars and rolling around in ball tosses. Harmless, right?

Well, you know the rules of these places, right? Sure, they've got something on the wall about age limits, unaccompanied children, running, strangling with the balloon strings and other mumbo-jumbo that their lawyers told them to write. But you know the real rules?

There are none.

Parents scope out the prime seats on the opposite side of the glass from these human hamster farms so they can say they're watching their kid when they're really spiking their fountain drink with mini bottles of Schnapps and Absolut. In the meantime, their little terror(s) is/are running up the enclosed slide, pushing other unwatched kids down the stairs in an attempt to not be "it" in an all-out game of tag and screaming louder than their mothers during childbirth.

And you know where Kaitlyn is during all this? Huddled in the corner of the suspended-in-mid-air-race-car, frozen because she's scared out of her wits. Tonight, before the mayhem ensued, she made her way -- laughing, mind you -- up the stairs and into the hamster tunnels before a group of kids (five or six, all above age 7) came in and proceeded to climb all over the place, through every conceivable hole in the play room.

Kaitlyn was stuck up there for what seemed like forever, but was probably something like three or four minutes. I would try to guide her down one way, but there was a screaming child. Not crying screaming, just screaming for reasons only his therapist understands. I tried to direct her to the slide before not one, but three of the snot noses ran up. I looked around for some parental unit to interject, but I was the only one in the damn playroom.

I finally got her out and she looked at me and said, "I go home now." So much for the couple minutes of fun I promised her. I even asked if she wanted to play at home with Daddy, but she said no. "Lay down with my binkie," she whimpered.

So I would just like to say thanks not only to the half-dozen kids who ruined my daughter's five-minute treat for eating her dinner, but also to the parent(s) of those kids. I thought I was unassuming and aloof when it came to Kaitlyn, but you people truly take the cake.

The Day After Tomorrow is Three Days After Vacation Ended

2010-06-07T22:53:00.000-04:00

Kaitlyn's vacation, in bite-sized pieces:

Got in Daddy's car at 6:15 p.m. Dropped Boo-Boo off with Pop-Pop. Sang Pokerface. Without the radio. Or Mommy. Or Daddy. Fell asleep in North Carolina at 9:15 p.m. Woke up in South Carolina at 10:30 p.m. Fell asleep in South Carolina at 11:30 p.m.

Woke up at 8 a.m. Ate cereal. On patio. Looking at the ocean. In the bright morning sunlight. Got bathed in sunscreen by Mommy. Stubbed toe on walk to beach. Saw beach. Smiled. Helped Daddy dig hole for umbrella. Filled hole back up with sand. Daddy re-dug hole. Played with bucket and yellow shovel. Couldn't find purple shovel. Cried. Found purple shovel. Laughed. Walked to water with Mommy. Ran from water that chased me. Ran back to water. Laughed. Ran to bucket. Ran back to water with bucket. Repeated for next three hours. Left beach. Fell asleep at 1:30 p.m.

Woke up at 5 p.m. Went to dinner. Ordered shrimp. Got shrimp. Don't like shrimp. Ate fries. Asked for ice cream. Cried. Got in car. Cried. Went to stores. Cried. Walked around. Cried. Fed fish. Didn't cry. Walked some more. Cried. Got ice cream. Got in car. Went to room. Got on jammies. Cried. Said prayers. Laid down with Mommy. Talked to Mommy for next thirty minutes. Fell asleep at 11 p.m.

Woke up at 8 a.m. Wanted pancakes. Went to get pancakes. Ordered pancakes. Got pancakes. Didn't eat pancakes. Cried. Ate pancakes after Daddy got mad. Went to room. Got bathed in sunscreen by Mommy. Again. Stubbed toe on walk to beach. Again. Saw beach. Smiled. Again. Played with bucket and yellow shovel. Couldn't find purple shovel. Cried. Found purple shovel. Laughed. Walked to water with Mommy. Ran from water that chased me. Ran back to water. Laughed. Ran to bucket. Ran back to water with bucket.

Wanted the pool. Went with Daddy to pool. Got thrown in air in pool. Went under water. Swallowed water. Twice. Laughed. Wanted the beach. Went back to beach with Daddy. Found Mommy. She was red. Left beach. Went to room. Watched Wonder Pets. Fell asleep at 1:40 p.m.

Woke up at 3:30 p.m. Got dressed. Wanted pizza. Went in car. Ordered pizza. Got pizza. Didn't eat pizza. Cried. Ate pizza after Daddy got mad. Wanted ice cream. Cried. Got back in car. Went to stores. Walked around. Cried. Ate pralines at candy store. Don't know what a praline is. Wanted more pralines. Left candy store. Cried. Walked some more. Cried. Walked into Kohr's. Got ice cream. Watched Mommy cry after paying $3 for children's size. Got in car. Went to other stores. Got Big Jessie. Went back to room. Watched Buzz and Woody. Said prayers. Laid down with Mommy. Talked to Mommy for next forty-five minutes. Fell asleep at 11 p.m.

Woke up at 8 a.m. Ate cereal. Got bathed in sunscreen by Mommy. Again. Stubbed toe on walk to beach. Again. Saw beach. Smiled. Again. Found seashells with Mommy and Daddy. Walked to water. Sat in water with Mommy. Wanted the pool. Said bye bye to beach. Went in pool with Mommy. Said bye bye to pool. Went back to room. Got changed. Packed bags. Packed car. Got in car. Wanted pancakes for lunch. Ordered pancakes. Got pancakes. Didn't eat pancakes. Again. Cried. Ate pancakes after Mommy got mad. Got in car at 1 p.m. Fell asleep after five minutes in car.

Woke up in North Carolina at 3:30 p.m. Got to Pop-Pop's at 5 p.m.. Got chicken for dinner. Ate dinner. Go figure. Got cupcake from YaYa. Ate cupcake. Go figure. Got in car. With Boo-Boo. Got home at 8 p.m. Watched Kai-Lan. Watched Backyardigans. Played. Said prayers. Laid down with Daddy. Fell asleep at 10:30 p.m.

On Hiatus

2010-06-04T18:45:00.015-04:00

We're going off the grid, headed to the beach this weekend for some fun in the ~~thunderstorms that are engulfing the eastern seaboard until the day we're supposed to leave the beach~~ sun.

And most importantly -- we are NOT bringing the laptop.

If you're looking for your Growing Up Kaitlyn fix, you better start finally checking Twitter or Facebook.

In Pictures: iPhone iPhotography

2010-06-01T21:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I snap the pictures on my iPhone faster than I can tweet them to the world. So here's a sampling of what I get to see every day as I flip through my phone.

In Pictures: Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T18:10:00.000-04:00

You probably never knew this, but nine years and one day ago, I met Michelle for the first time. ~~Drunk off her ass.~~ In celebration, we ate frozen yogurt for three straight days at our new favorite place, Feeney's. And fed lots of ducks. And played in the park. That's not really in celebration of Michelle and I, but just another weekend with Kaitlyn.

I guess those days are long gone. But that's not a bad thing. I really don't miss staying out until 2 a.m. As old people always say, nothing good happens after midnight. Except sex. But even that's not always good after midnight. But it's not like bad sex is really even bad. It's sort of like pizza that way. 'Cause even bad pizza is good pizza.

Now I'm hungry. I guess it will be frozen yogurt for a fourth straight day.

We're sorta glad we found this place. Only a five-minute drive from the house. Who knew?

She now climbs up the ladder-like thingy on the playground. By herself. Without a net.

Kaitlyn is doing pull-ups! She's so strong ...

...Granted I am stronger since she weighs a ton.

In the kiddie swing having a ball ...

...Until she realized she can swing on the big-girl swings like Mommy. Growing Up Kaitlyn is right.

In Pictures: Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-30T15:38:00.002-04:00

YaYa and Michelle out shopping. Kaitlyn asleep in her bed. Pop-Pop and Boo curled up on the couch, one of them snoring.

What has led to all this? A Sunday excursion to the Natural Science Center. Here's the In Pictures update for all of you who don't subscribe to my social media feeds. On a side note: Why don't you subscribe to my social media feeds?

Tweeting Kaitlyn to the World

2010-05-30T08:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was supposed to rain. The guys on the television said that, the local DJs who I listened to on my way home from work Friday said that. Heck, even my iPhone said that. And if the iPhone said it, it must be true, right?

So when I woke up at 9:30 a.m. -- Michelle let me sleep for a change -- and it was bright and sunny, I was scratching my head. So Michelle and I decided to take Kaitlyn on a hike at Guilford-Alamance Park. Ticks be damned!

We actually had a real good time, even if Michelle was misguided enough to think Kaitlyn would walk the three-mile loop by herself; she barely made it to the half-mile mark before we were looking for the shortcut back to the exit.

But we hiked, hugged trees (literally), fed the ducks, played in boats and hung out with some friends we weren't expecting to see.

And you know what? We didn't bring a camera. Left it on the kitchen table. So then what's the point of this post, since you can't see your dear Kaitlyn?

It's to point you in the direction of one of Growing Up Kaitlyn's new features, which is the Twitter feed about halfway down the page on the right column. Why am I pointing this out? Because sometimes it's tough to sit down a write a whole blog post, or sometimes I forget some of the funny things that happen throughout the day, especially if I have to wait to sit down at the computer to write it all down.

But I can always shoot a tweet. So there are some special nuggets in that Twitter feed down there. Like Kaitlyn hiking. And Kaitlyn getting her haircut. And then just some random thoughts and observations throughout the day.

So if you don't see something new on the blog, you just might want to check the feed. Because some of the best stuff comes in 140 characters or less.

OMG, Breakfast of Champions, anyone?

2010-05-23T09:07:00.001-04:00

So you read about the race. Done with that for a while ~~until I have to pull it out when Michelle asks what I've done lately and then tell her "I ran a 5K, what did you do?" since she always chickens out at the last minute~~.

Post-race, Michelle said, "Let's go to breakfast," which I was kinda shocked hearing because she never wants to go out to breakfast. Since we were downtown, I suggested Smith Street Diner, a little (emphasis on that word) place neither of us had tried but always said, Hey, that looks like a greasy spoon that would make a killer breakfast.

You know what? That greasy spoon makes a killer breakfast. People stand out on the sidewalk waiting for a table in the two room place. Their biscuits are the size of a bowling ball, their pancakes have that nice griddle crisp on the edges while staying soft on the inside. And it's cheap.

I might start waking up early on work days and sneaking down there for a quick bite, making excuses to Michelle like, Oh, we have a very important meeting every Tuesday morning from now on. Starts at 8 a.m. because the EVP who's running the meeting is originally from Australia and it's already tomorrow there and he doesn't want to wait another minute for an update.

I don't know if I would get away with it, but it would certainly be worth it to try. Which I guess I can't do now because Michelle is usually the first person to read this blog and now she's onto my little plot. I'll have to get my boss to call her and tell her the meeting is for real, which then means I'll probably have to buy off my boss with biscuits, which adds to the cost. Damnit.

Run Daddy, Run

2010-05-22T22:13:00.000-04:00

Well, I didn't die and I didn't finish last. I didn't have to walk, didn't have to crawl. And you know what? I did a helluva lot better than I ever expected.

24 minutes, 23 seconds. Now, they say I ran 24:40, but that 13 second difference is the time it took for me to get from my place in line (which was toward the back) to the actual starting line. I am going by the "chip time". Ain't technology wonderful?

64th place overall (out of 394 runners, thank you very much), 10th best in my age group (30-39). Now the bad news: Eleven kids beat me. And some of them beat me bad. And not "kids-to-you-and-me" kids. Like, nine to 14-year-olds. One kid who finished ahead of me was five. But that doesn't really count since he was likely being pushed in a stroller by his father, who finished directly behind him. But he paid his registration fee like everyone else, so it sorta kinda counts. Damnit.

Oh well, it was all for a good cause -- the Greensboro Children's Museum and their pretty cool Edible Schoolyard. Michelle, Kaitlyn and I love going to the GCM, so it wasn't a stretch to do something like this to support a great cause.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pass out now.

Kaitlyn hanging with her friend Lily pre-race

Pre-race Daddy ...

...Post-race Daddy

Tomorrow is D-Day

2010-05-21T19:50:00.000-04:00

I forgive you. It's been so long since I've written anything that of course you didn't remember it. That's okay, I'll remind you.

A couple months back, I got the ~~startling~~ ~~unexpected~~ news that I was on a collision course with Lipitor thanks to years of unchecked fast food binges. So I had two choices: continue gorging on the ~~delicious~~ ~~heavenly~~ ~~sinful~~ foods I loved while taking medication for the rest of my life, or make some changes and get healthier.

One of the steps I decided to take was to enter a 5K called Running of the Green, which benefits the Greensboro Children's Museum.

Well, I'm just about 13 hours from the starting line. And considering my propensity to follow through on tasks, it's a pretty darn big accomplishment that I even registered.

So as long as I don't pull a Jim Fixx, you'll hear all about it tomorrow.

Whaddaya Think?

2010-05-20T21:02:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the new-look Growing Up Kaitlyn. There's still a little work to be done, but I think the next couple of weeks will show you a bunch of features that you'll enjoy.

As you can see, none of the things you've grown to love have changed; just the design. And some things will be tweaked, so if you fall in love with one particular part of this design, please let me know. Otherwise, it might be gone in the blink of an eye.

Double the Children, Double the Fun

2010-05-18T20:27:00.000-04:00

For those of you who read the title of this post and thought of sending congratulatory emails, presents and phone calls, you'll be disappointed. You can still send gifts if you want, but there's no bun in the oven.

You see, a couple weeks back we took Kaitlyn's buddy, Declan, out for a couple hours. Mom and Dad Donaghue were packing up the house to prepare for their big move, so having Declan out and about for a couple hours was a big help.

So Michelle and I called upon old reliable to keep the kids occupied -- The Natural Science Center of Greensboro.

Yes, that is a big blue frog Kaitlyn is sitting on.

I don't know whether she's holding on for dear life or copping a feel. I do know she's smiling, if that provides a clue.

Declan is either staring at the monkey, or at the zoo keeper throwing food from the wrong side of the net. Stupid zoo keeper.

This is the angle I saw Michelle and Kaitlyn the entire time at the Science Center. That's because Declan moseys. How slow is Declan? I took with picture with the zoom all the way out.

Kaitlyn tried to feed Declan the entire time. I don't know why she treated him like one of her dolls. I do know he didn't seem to mind.

Brushing the goat. Took Declan a bit to warm up, but he eventually helped. Side note: See that little beard on the goat? They don't like it when you yank on it.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

2010-05-17T19:29:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it takes a little longer than expected for the batteries to recharge. After finishing up NaBloPoMo, I promised some days off to myself. Well ...

A couple days turned into a week. A week turned into a couple more weeks. For more than a month I've stood idly by as my daughter's pretty little face has stared at everyone, perpetually asking the question that everyone's been asking of me: Have You Seen Me Lately?

Well, I'm here to tell you we're all back and we're not going away. Granted, we haven't really gone anywhere. And by "we" I really mean "me" since Michelle doesn't write, save for those special occasions.

So don't worry anyone -- Growing Up Kaitlyn is here to stay.

Have You Seen Me Lately?

2010-04-11T20:54:00.000-04:00

Miss me? Or more importantly, miss the updates about Kaitlyn? The past week offered a much deserved hiatus from blogging, since last month pretty much wiped the creative out of my juices. Otherwise I would have just posted juices, and no one wants that. That's how you ended up with nuggets like this and this. Not my best work, I must say.

Anywho, here's the scoop from the past week:

Kaitlyn likes to demand things now, as in "I want (enter any object of desire here)" or "I need (enter any object of desire here)." It's like she was a member of The Hills.
Michelle and I never take the camera out anymore since we've got iPhones. Michelle is now wishing that she got the 3GS so she could shoot video of all the fun things she complains about missing.
When it comes to the kiddie potty, Kaitlyn has become a pooping fool. Partly because we're working so hard with her. Partly because she gets three M&Ms for each deuce. I'l only give you one guess as to which has more influence.
She won't go to sleep on her own. She'll fall asleep on the couch, in the car, in Mommy and Daddy's bed, in Boo's bed, on the floor, on my chest, in the middle of Costco in the cart on a bust Saturday. But in her bed with the lights out and soft music playing? Nah.
Is it just me or did we skip a season? Near-90 degrees on two days earlier this week and more hot days a-coming. Good thing Kaitlyn doesn't get heat rash or have sensitive skin. Oh wait, Kaitlyn has both of those things. Fun times.

And I'm working on Growing Up Kaitlyn 2.0. Any suggestions on things you'd like to see (features, not content. I determine that), just leave a comment.

Duke Blue Devils 2010 NCAA Champions: A Tribute

2010-04-05T23:55:00.001-04:00

In honor of the Duke Blue Devils rightfully securing their place atop the college basketball landscape, I bring you the littlest Blue Devil in one of her finest moments.

Don't hate. Appreciate. 2010 NCAA National Champion Duke Blue Devils. Has a nice ring to it.

Gabba Coma meets the Obamas

2010-04-03T14:41:00.001-04:00

And I thought the Gabba Coma was limited to my house. Now Foofa, Plex, DJ Lance Rock and the rest of the bunch are headed to The House. This was what welcomed me in the inbox today:

Hello James!

On Monday, April 5th, DJ Lance and the rest of the Gabba Gang are rolling up to the White House to perform at this year's Easter Egg Roll for 30,000 attendees from all 50 states! The gang will be taking the Rock 'n' Egg Roll Stage to perform numbers from their mega-successful live tour, Yo Gabba Gabba! Live!: There's A Party In My City , which continues its run in 2010!

Following the First Lady's Let's Move! initiative to combat childhood obesity, the theme of the Easter Egg Roll is 'Ready, Set, Go!' That sounds like the perfect reason for everyone to get up, jump, and DANCE!

Happy Easter, everyone!

Your Gabba-Friends

I'm sure Sasha and Malia will enjoy themselves at this year's egg roll, which has become a celebrity event. And yeah, the Gabbas and DJ Lance know my name. We're good like that.

But on a more serious matter, The Gabba Coma invading the White House explains a lot. The healthcare debacle? Surely. The bank bailout? Most definitely. Rahm Emanuel's choice to attend a Wilco concert? Gabba Conspiracy!

Strange(r) things we've learned in the past 31 days

2010-03-31T16:59:00.000-04:00

Mission Accomplished. Thirty-one days, thirty-one blog posts. NaBloPoMo, you are finished.

It truly has been a strange(r) journey this last month, filled with good, bad, ugly, cute, awkward and – most definitely – strange. I didn’t miss a single day (thank you, Michelle) and, for the most part, stayed on topic.

Thank goodness for the holiday, since a break from blogging is just what the doctor ordered. Just get to sit back and enjoy some Easter dinner and 85 degree weather in the Carolinas.

So what did we learn?

We learned that Kaitlyn knows Mommy is a girl and Daddy is a boy and Boo-Boo is a dog. We learned about the fifth food group, that Mommy used to rock a leather bomber jacket and Daddy shouldn’t be left alone with Sweet Tea, lemonade and Absolute Citron.

We learned that my child is not only smart, but beautiful and uncoordinated. But most of all, we learned that we can reach our investment goals if we discuss our future with a SunTrust representative.

Children's Show Traffic Jam

2010-03-30T19:45:00.000-04:00

You'll have to excuse the sugary coma being experienced at Growing Up Kaitlyn. I'm swimming in bubble gum songs and cotton candy goodness.

Sunday was Curious George. Friday is Mickey's Rocking Road Show. We get the month of April off before Dora and Nick Jr. roll into Raleigh. That same week, Sesame Street Live makes its way into Greensboro. Thank goodness Yo Gabba Gabba decided to stay in the Midwest, otherwise I'd be living in a permanent Gabba Coma.

Kaitlyn's been quite spoiled going to these shows. It also helps that Uncle Rob gets some freebies from work and invites us all along (and remember, for all your banking needs, SunTrust).

But it's not necessarily the tickets, which if you're astute you can attend at a relatively good price ~~or if you've got some hookups~~. Remember, all SunTrust checking accounts come with many, many money saving and time saving features and benefits - all at no extra charge to you.

It's the $8 chicken fingers. It's the $6 balloons. It's the $24 dolls. It's the $4 bottled waters. Granted, Michelle and I don't buy those things ~~unless we're at Walt Disney World and need to keep Kaitlyn from melting down in the first five minutes at a theme park~~. But for some parents, it adds up quickly, especially if you've got multiple kids clamoring for a little piece of their favorite character.

Luckily Kaitlyn passes all those things with relatively little nudging. I can see the pain in the faces of parents waiting in those lines. But who knows? In another year or two she might go gaga over all this stuff and it will be me in that line, that pain on my face.

Until then, I will be thankful that it's not me walking out of the arena with motorized flashlights, oversized soda mugs and overpriced programs. That's money I can save for the future. A future I'm planning with SunTrust’s retirement specialists, who can help you develop a plan for the retirement you’ve dreamed of.

Strange(r) Conversations with Kaitlyn

2010-03-29T19:39:00.000-04:00

Mommy: Daddy, Kaitlyn is the greatest little boy in the world.

Kaitlyn: No Mommy.

Mommy: No?

Kaitlyn: Kaitlyn girl, Mommy.

Mommy: Kaitlyn's a girl? Daddy, did you know Kaitlyn's a girl?

Kaitlyn: (giggles)

Mommy: And Daddy?

Kaitlyn: Daddy's a boy. Mommy's girl.

Mommy: And Boo-Boo? Is Boo-Boo a boy or a girl?

Kaitlyn: No Mommy. Boo-Boo's a dog.

In Pictures: Strange(r)s in our house for an egg hunt party!

2010-03-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

Well, they're really not strangers, but it fit NaBloPoMo (Can you believe there are only three days left?!?! Did I just jinx myself?!?!?! How long of a break am I going to take after this whole thing ends?!?! And who's more excited for the break -- me or my readers?!?!)

It's a busy weekend for the Growing Up Kaitlyn crew. Saturday was the First Annual Easter Egg Hunt, sponsored by Midas (not really, but wouldn't it be cool to get a sponsor? Goal for 2011: Get a Sponsor for the 2011 Growing Up Kaitlyn Easter Egg Hunt). Today we head to Curious George on stage at the Coliseum after YaYa and PopPop come over the breakfast, after Michelle goes dress shopping with Aunt Shannon and after we get the house back in order.

Did I mention it's a busy weekend?

Whoever decided 25 people, plus kids, in a tiny townhome at 9 a.m. was a good idea should have a good, stern talking-to.

They're off! The first two Easter egg hunters fly out the door.

The hunt begins.

The hunt continues.

Much like Halloween, the kids decide to see what they can exchange after pouring over their loot.

If you couldn't have guessed, Kaitlyn found the most eggs.

Strange(r)s in my house: Egg Hunt

2010-03-27T20:56:00.000-04:00

I was going to talk about how Michelle and I had about 200 people in our little tiny townhome for an Easter egg hunt, but I feel more compelled to write about my experience writing this blog.

So you know how I normally post a funny little image or something that goes along with the topic I'm writing about? If you don't, well then welcome to Growing Up Kaitlyn. Anywho, I was thinking, What's funnier than having 200 people in our tiny little townhome? so I decided to try and find a clown car image. You know, thinking 25 clowns in a Hyundai or something would be a cute little photo to go with this post.

You know what I found? A whole mess of images labeled "Vagina". No kidding. You know why? Because all of the images are in reference to the Duggars and OctoMom. I mean, I was looking for an innocent image of a bunch of clowns coming out of a VW Beetle or something and all I get are photos with a big ol' "V" plastered on them.

And you wonder why society is going down the toilet. Oh well, you'll hear more about the Easter egg hunt tomorrow, I guess. I have to get this bad taste out of my mouth.

I know how your feel, Suri

2010-03-26T21:03:00.000-04:00

Believe me, TomKat, I've feel your pain. I know how it feels to walk around the with prettiest little girl on the block. I understand how frustrating it could be that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants to take her picture.

Don't they understand that we're just real people too, just with the most adorable children on the planet? I mean, can't they just cut us a little slack?

I mean, it's bad enough my Kaitlyn can't just walk down the street without being photographed by someone in the bushes or the random camera phone. But it's getting a little much with all the Web sites and blogs that are insatiable.

How do you do it TomKat? Do you and Brangelina get together and talk about this stuff? Do Jen and Ben come over and let Violet and Seraphina play with Suri while the four of you commiserate over paparazzi?

Unlike you Hollywood types, I don't have the network you rely on; no agents, no security teams, no PR reps that can spin the media maelstroms. Just me, Michelle and Kaitlyn fighting our way through a sea of flash bulbs, awkward stares and not-so-silent whispers.

Is that them? Should we ask for an autograph? A photo? A lock of hair?

The answers are yes, sure, maybe and get away freak. I mean, we're regular people too. Beautiful regular people, but regular people nonetheless.

"People want to see if celebs are really like us," [Jenny] Schafer [senior editor for CelebrityBabyScoop.com] said. "Do their children have temper tantrums in public? Do their children use soothers? Do they ever get frustrated in public with their kids?"

Those answers are yes, yes and heck yes. But just because we are beautiful and awesome and loved by all doesn't give you the right to pry when I'm having a turkey club for lunch and Kaitlyn's fingers-deep in applesauce because she didn't want her chicken fingers. Give me five minutes to clean her up and maybe then -- maybe -- we'll sign your napkin. Just know it definitely won't happen if you're snapping your cell phone mid-chew.

So TomKat, I feel your pain. TomKitten's cute, for sure, but at least you've got a full squadron making sure everything goes according to plan. Try taking my Kaitlyn (who is so much cuter than your kid) out without a battalion of staffers and see if you make it through the day. You wouldn't last five minutes.

A win for responsible parents: Spankings not child abuse, jury says

2010-03-25T15:56:00.000-04:00

I admit it: I have spanked Kaitlyn. Twice actually. The first time was when she was just over a year old and decided to a dish from Michelle’s grandmother as a shot put. The second time was this past weekend when Kaitlyn darted into the parking lot of Kohl’s on Wendover Avenue. But each time, I looked at her and explained why she was punished and told her that Daddy loves her and just wants her to be careful.

To some, that might sound hypocritical (You spank her and tell her you love her?) but the fact is Kaitlyn doesn’t know that yet. What she does know is she did something Daddy didn’t like and that she got punished harshly for it. Action-reaction.

She doesn’t get spanked for spilling milk. She doesn’t get spanked for repeating bad words (ugh on me). She doesn’t get spanked for telling us “No.” She doesn’t even get spanked for hitting Mommy and Daddy, since we know she’s really just playing and doesn’t realize she’s actually “hitting.”

Believe me, I don’t want to spank. But sometimes timeouts just don’t work. And it’s not like you can reason with a two-year-old, no matter what some new-age hippies tell you.

Nevertheless, some people will always consider spankings cruel and unusual punishment. And they will press charges and get good, responsible parents who don’t abuse the tactic in trouble. Our only defense and hope is that a jury of our peers will realize not all of us are Joe Jackson.

Case in point: Just this week, a local man was acquitted of child abuse charges filed after the boy’s mother (the couple is separated, which may or may not have played a role in the charge) noticed red marks on the boy’s bottom:

Michael David Ward, 37, of Kilby Street in Burlington admitted he had spanked his son last spring after the 8-year-old boy disobeyed his order to stay away from an old boat while he played outside and later lied about it, defense attorney Rick Champion said … Champion said his client used a belt to spank the boy in the buttocks. He said the boy testified during the trial that the spanking hurt and that he cried at the time, but it didn't bother him later … He added the boy said that after his father finished punishing him, he gave him a hug and the boy continued playing as usual.

Ward had a previous child abuse charge against him, too: “Ward was on probation for a misdemeanor assault on a child under 12 charge for a 2007 incident also involving his son. On that occasion, Champion said, the boy had doused himself in fabric freshener. Thinking the boy drank some of it, Ward panicked and grabbed the boy's face to check his throat with such force that it left a mark on the boy's face.”

One guess who likely levied that complaint, too. Spanking isn’t ideal; I’ll be the first to admit it. But sometimes it is effective. Many parents understand this is a fine line that gets crossed by the dumb parents out there who themselves probably deserve a belt to the bottom.

Strange(r) Parenting: There's an app for that ...

2010-03-24T19:56:00.000-04:00

Just recently I got my baby back. Granted, it came with the provision that I get a new baby for my wife, but it was a small price to pay to once again be connected to the world I once knew.

One of the things I loved about my iPhone when I first got one nearly a year ago was that it wasn't just a new toy, but it was my toy. Facebook, Twitter, FourSquare, Skype. Had'em all on the iPhone before we had them on the laptop at home. Now, though, that toy with all those fun gadgets has become ... mainstream.

I mean, everyone and their mother (well, not my mother) has an iPhone. And it's the moms and dads that are using these things -- and the evidence is in the apps.

If you haven't seen, parenting apps are all the rage. Need a baby monitor? There's an app for that. Are you a new parent who wants to know how many poopie diapers you changed last week? There's an app for that. Want to keep track of your nursing sessions ~~for some ungodly reason~~? There's an app for that. Are you an annoying list making mother who constantly needs to know what to bring anywhere you go with your baby ~~Michelle~~? There's an app for that.

What's next? I've heard rumors of an app that will actually tell you what your baby's cooing means. I've heard of rumors of an app that will diagnose your child's symptoms and recommend a course of action. I've even heard of an app that automatically alerts Angelina Jolie when a child is born so that she can start the adoption process.

Strange(r) Fairy Tale Endings

2010-03-23T19:57:00.000-04:00

Normally I don't pass email Fwd: along, but this isn't like normal Fwd: messages. I have to give the credit to good ol' Aunt Jo Ann, since she sends about ~~250,000~~ a dozen of these each week, this one in the latest batch.

Without further adieu, your Strange(r) Fairy Tale Endings:

"Cinderella"

"Snow White"

"Little Red Riding Hood"

"Sleeping Beauty"

"Aladdin"

"Beauty and the Beast"

"The Little Mermaid"

The Epitome of Strange(r) is Michelle Writing This Blog…

2010-03-22T19:57:00.000-04:00

Let me introduce myself, my name is Michelle and for those that know me and know the truth, you know that I am among many other things the “Rock” behind “Growing Up Kaitlyn”. For without me, there would be no Kaitlyn!

You may be wondering why I am writing this blog today and I’m sad to say that I have officially infected the house with my germs and James is feeling so bad that he can’t bring himself to brag about Kaitlyn, I mean blog about his angel…so you know he must really feel bad. He called me begging me to write something so that he could keep up with this whole “Strange(r) Challenge” – which for the official record, I do NOT understand and think this blog should be 78% about Kaitlyn and 22% about me, but hey, what do I know? But before I continue I would like to use this opportunity to apologize to my dear husband for spreading my germs, despite my best effort to keep this house sterilized because I know how crappy I felt for the last week.

It didn’t take me long to figure out what I was going to write about once the begging was over so I hope that you enjoy and it provides you with a glimpse into my heart– please remember that I was not an English major like James so spellin an grammer didn’t count.

The Top Ten Reason’s I love my Husband… (there really is no particular order for these except #1)

10. James understands how important my job and the teens I work with everyday are to me. He has moved more boxes, served countless pieces of pizza, and attended more TRU events then any spouse should have to.

9. As you have read in a previous post, James knows that loving me, means loving Teddy. And I would like to point out, that in the almost 9 years we have been together, he has never once hung Teddy by his neck on our ceiling fan like some of my friends…you know who you are LD, ER, MR, SS

8. He still gives me butterflies in my tummy, even if he is going gray and has the cholesterol levels of an 84 year old man.

7. He only makes fun of me once and a while for watching new and old episodes of Beverly Hills 90210, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 16 and Pregnant, Keeping Up with The Kardashians, and every other teen drama and stupid reality show out there. In fact he even bought me “the Newlyeweds” series – that’s right Nick and Jessica forever and he has been known to hum along to the theme music to 90210.

6. James knows how important my family (which includes his family whom I love dearly even if I don’t write or call and tell them that enough)and friends are to me. He knows that when I get around some of them, I revert to being fifteen and while it annoys him sometimes, I know that it makes him happy to see me so happy. What can I say, “once a nudge, always a nudge!”

5. James LOVES to shop as much as I do. He is the crazy fool you see in line at 3am on Black Friday. Doesn’t matter if it is for t-shirts, video games, furniture, or groceries…he’s there with me and is always there with his opinion. Does this surprise any of you?

4. I don’t need to impress him, although he may not realize that I still like to try sometimes. He doesn’t care that I wear shorts and a t-shirt to bed, that my legs aren’t shaved or that I can eat my weight in ice cream (with sprinkles of course) he thinks I’m beautiful no matter what.

3. He knows that traditions are so important to me, probably more than they should be and he knows that it is important that we pass traditions on to Kaitlyn. He happily reads the “Night Before Christmas” on Christmas Eve with me, celebrates “Peanut’s Day” (Kaitlyn’s half birthday) and carves pumpkins without any begging on my part.

2. He makes me laugh. Granted, sometimes I am laughing at him, but does it really matter since I’m still laughing? (Smiling…Not Smiling ;)

1. He gave me the greatest gift in the world, my beautiful daughter Kaitlyn Riley. I watch him with her and sometimes I start to well up with tears, because of the love he has for her. They have such a special bond and all of us, including Boo are happy to call him “daddy”.

My dear James, in case I don’t tell you enough I love you, always and forever…

Too Lazy for NaBloPoMo, So We Shop Instead

2010-03-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

For some reason I decided it was a good idea to go shopping to Old Navy and Kohl's with Michelle just as we both got paychecks. We ended up with another new Spring wardrobe for Kaitlyn. Oh well, it doesn't fit the whole "strange(r)" theme, but we can't win them all now can we?

Strange(r) Days: The End Is the Beginning Is the End

2010-03-20T09:37:00.000-04:00

Sometimes a couch isn't just a couch. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

You might be wondering why we're here talking about a Pottery Barn sleeper couch. But this isn't just any couch. This couch has been part of this family's life since the beginning. It was a perfect gift, since we couldn't have afforded it if we went to buy it ourselves. It's made its way from New Jersey to North Carolina, High Point to Greensboro to ~~the B.F.E.~~ Whitsett.

It's seen plenty of visitor's rumps and bumps, had overnight guests from Florida, New Jersey, Virginia, California and I even think Maryland. Maybe it was D.C., but potato, potatoe.

I had my nights on the couch for illness, late-night sleeplessness and pregnant-belly-taking-up-my-side-of-the-bed. But not fighting; never go to bed angry, Michelle says. So no fighting nights for you, couch.

You've been good to us, couch, but we've been good to you. Even bought you a new slip cover especially made for you and your kind. Gave us a heart attack to see how much regular price actually costs (thanks, Pottery Barn), but luckily we found one on deep discount. You've worn it nicely ever since.

But today we found a chink in the armor. After a night on the couch (illness on Michelle's part), I went to fold you back up. You wouldn't fold back in. Finally I saw that the steel leg that folds back into the couch has snapped, hanging there off the frame. I was able to fold it in and get the couch back to normal, but is there ever a "normal" for a broken sleeper couch?

Strange(r) Than Fiction: Depressing News

2010-03-19T19:50:00.000-04:00

Came home from work today and looked at the top news stories on the local newspaper's Web site. Here are three of the top six headlines:

"Man charged with taking indecent liberties with a child"

"Man wanted in rape of 6-year-old girl"

"Stokesdale man to spend up to 131 years in prison for raping teen"

I didn't even stay to read the rest of the newspaper. And normally I hyperlink stories when I find them, but I'm a little to depressed after reading those headline.

Hug your child.

Graco angers parents, doesn't build chairs from super-duper titanium that encases child in bubble

2010-03-18T21:52:00.001-04:00

I don't get are parents who get all in a tiff over the fact that stuff might not last forever. Case in point: Graco's latest recall, which is due to "screws holding the front legs of the high chair can loosen and fall out" and that cracking plastic brackets can cause the high chair to "tip over unexpectedly."

These tip-overs resulted in 24 reports of injuries, including bumps and bruises to the head, a hairline fracture to the arm, and cuts, bumps and bruises and scratches to the body.

More than 1.2 million units have been recalled because of these bumps and bruises, which some have even called "Another Dangerous Baby Furniture Risk." Funny thing? The two dozen instances happened over a six year period. But some people still want to cause even more alarm, like this blogger:

Still yet, a high chair that tips over could really seriously hurt an infant if they land on a hard surface or hit something on their way down.

Funny, but I didn't think that serious injury from falling on hard surfaces or hitting something while falling down was limited to sitting in a high chair.

Strange(r) Danger: British Lady Dictates Child-Rearing

2010-03-17T15:51:00.000-04:00

I think Michelle and I do a pretty good job with Kaitlyn. First, she’s still alive. Second, she still has all her fingers and toes. Third, she’s bigger than a Thanksgiving turkey. Fourth and most importantly, she’s still smiling and giving us hugs when she sees us.

In my book, that’s four-for-four. But some people might see a flaw in my parenting style. They might offer suggestions. They might even send some help.

Enter SuperNanny.

The ABC show (I can’t call it a hit show since I don’t know a single person who has ever watched a whole episode) is heading to Greensboro this weekend for casting calls. Apparently someone let them in on my little Strange(r) Danger post from a week back and thought, “This guy lets his kids play? We need professional help. We need SuperNanny!”

If you haven’t seen the show, a British broad is brought into a completely insane home with completely insane parents and completely insane children to transform them into an insanely complete family.

I thought about this long and hard and even sent Michelle an email:

Me: SuperNanny coming to Greensboro! Do we participate? LOL
Michelle: Totally!

Now I don’t know if she was serious or not, considering her mission in life is to get Kaitlyn “discovered.” I’m guessing she was kidding (please God, tell me she was kidding), but I started to wonder just what SuperNanny would try and improve on.

SuperNanny: Dad, I see you like to write about your dealings with Kaitlyn on the internet. Have you ever thought about how she might feel about this?
Me: No. She's 26 months old.
SuperNanny: Not now, but when she gets older and can understand these things.
Me: Well SuperNanny, I would hope that she would look back on this and see that we did everything we could to raise her right and have fun doing so.
SuperNanny: But you talk about some rather unkind things.
Me: Such as?
Supernanny: Your daughter's weight, for starters. You call her fat.
Me: Yeah. It's cute and funny.
SuperNanny: But don't you think she might develop self-esteem problems later on while reading how her father felt about her growing up?
Me: Um, no. Besides, my wife and I love her no matter what, even if she doesn't grow out of her Butterball figure and looks like you when she grows up.
SuperNanny: Um, okay. Moving on. Now Dad, how do you praise Kaitlyn when she does something good?
Me: Usually with marshmallows. Couldn’t you tell by the belly? Looks like you’ve had a couple marshmallows yourself.
SuperNanny: Dad, that’s not proper. You should make jokes about your daughter’s weight. But it’s good you’re offering some kind of reward. But maybe you should try something a little healthier, like apple slices.
Me: You didn’t answer my question. Have you been sneaking into Kaitlyn’s marshmallows? Kaitlyn might kick you if she finds out.
SuperNanny: Is that a problem with Kaitlyn? Does she act out and roughhouse with other children? Maybe when she doesn’t get her way?
Me: Only if you’re taking her marshmallows. And you’re dodging the question.
SuperNanny: No I am not. Do you have any hot cocoa?
Me: Give me back the marshmallows, SuperNanny.

Dora exploring a little more than we thought

2010-03-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

Kaitlyn loves her some Kids on Demand from Time-Warner. I mean, she gets her daily fix of Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go and the other Crack for Children wonderful programming that's available to her age set.

Luckily, though, she wasn't watching sometime around 10 a.m. Tuesday, since she would have gotten a little more than expected:

An 'equipment failure' caused preview clips for adult programming to appear on two channels dedicated for kids in North Carolina ... [Company spokeswoman Melissa] Buscher said the problem appeared on two "Kids on Demand" channels that were showing viewers a list of children's programming such as Dora the Explorer. 'Instead of being a preview for kids programming, you got a preview of adult programming,' she said.

Yikes. Luckily all is right with the world and they apparently fixed the problem. I'll let you know if they didn't when we go home later tonight and a preview for "Dora Does Dallas" is running across the screen.

In Pictures: Strange(r) Days Before Motherhood

2010-03-15T21:48:00.000-04:00

Michelle always tells me that I missed her in her prime. I don't necessarily know what that means, considering she's pretty good now. Maybe she didn't nag or complain as much back then. Maybe she had friends on the Swedish Bikini Team. I don't know.

While we can't go back in time to relive those days (unless we're John Cusack, which we aren't), we are very fortunate that Michelle loves pictures so much she keeps them. Forever. So instead of just wondering what it might have been like, we can actually see what it might have been like.

And as I write this, I sorta kinda think I should have done this on my last day of NaBloPoMo, since Michelle actual might kill me once she sees this post. Pray for me.

Take note of the leather bomber jacket.

If you look real closely, you can see the socks bunching around the ankles. That was the style back then, kids.

Nothing screams sexy like floral print sundresses with t-shirts underneath.

Nothing Strange(r) Going on Today

2010-03-14T21:36:00.001-04:00

Okay, so sue me: Today wasn't really a strange day. No unexpected run-ins with people. No crazy events in our day-to-day activities. Nothing strange(r). Or strange, for that matter.

I have to be honest -- I don't know how people stay on this topic and keep with their typical blogging themes. If I really wanted to stay on topic, I could throw out some strange news headlines and whatnot, but I promised myself I would only do that once a week and that comes on Mondays.

I tried to wait all day long for something strange(r) to happen that I could blog about. I mean, we took Kaitlyn shopping in the morning. Nothing. We brought her for a walk pre-nap. Nothing. We took her to a friggin' Revolutionary (not Civil, even though my wife thought so) War re-enactment. You'd think you could find something strange(r) there. But besides the $4.50 price tag for bread and cheese (where are we, Russia?), there was nothing.

Uncle Art and Aunt Kari's for dinner with little Lily? Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I mean, there was a little bit of playing with beer caps, but nothing crazy. Fact is, this blog is about Kaitlyn. The things she does, the things she drives us to do. How we deal with parenthood on a daily basis and how there's nothing else we want than the hug she provides each day we pick her up from daycare.

~~Something~~ Sometimes there are truly strange things that happen. Other days are like today -- a little hairy at times, but nothing strange or unexpected. And while we like to joke and make fun of the times that make us laugh, it's days like today that are some of the best.

Thank you to friend and strange(r) alike

2010-03-13T09:45:00.000-05:00

Based on the rate that Growing Up Kaitlyn's been chugging along in recent weeks, today will mark a mini-milestone in this blog's illustrious, yet short-lived lifespan.

Pageview number 127 today will be responsible for the 10,000th for Growing Up Kaitlyn. Now, I've thought about visiting the main page of the site myself for the next hour and a half just to hit 10,000 myself, but I figured that would be a little selfish. I'll get there -- no need to rush it.

And while family and friends will have probably accounted for 9,899 of those pageviews once the magic number hits, I'm pretty sure a good 101 people have stumbled here via Google. Heck, I know they have since the Gap logo on one of my first posts still ranks as one of the highest searches related to my post (God love Google Image search).

So thank you everyone. It's been a fun ride.

In Pictures: Kaitlyn's Strange(r) Times

2010-03-12T21:03:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking, which is always dangerous: This blog has only been around since October (actually September, but it was only one day. I tend to think of that as the beginning of labor, but the real pushing ended October 1).

Taking that into account, I realize many of you never saw Kaitlyn 1.0, or what you could dub "The Quiet Year(s)". So I'm here to oblige with some of the strange(r) moments, pre-Growing Up Kaitlyn:

March 2008: Kaitlyn reads for the role of Mother Teresa in "Calcutta: The Musical!"

June 2008: They might look cool, but did you know they're actually made for dogs? Thanks, Nana

September 2008: Killer dog! Killer dog!

December 2008: Gene Simmons, eat your heart out

February 2009: Kaitlyn shows that her CPR training is paying off by checking her friend Lily's pulse

Strange(r) Danger: Over-Concerned Mothers

2010-03-11T19:09:00.002-05:00

Dirty looks are counterproductive most of the time. I mean, sure, you can occasionally get away with one and have your message conveyed properly, but most of the time it’s just annoying ~~and makes me want to get up and smack that look off your face~~. Especially when it comes from a total strange(r).

Case in point: This past weekend, we took our houseguests to the Natural Science Center. During our excursion, we wandered into a part of the museum that had dinosaur-themed activities – two giant dino-bones puzzles, a play table with dinosaur toys for the little ones, a maze and some dino cut-outs that you poke your head in and take pictures. They also had a small triceratops that your lil’ ones could sit on.

Kaitlyn makes a B line to the triceratops because she loves her riding toys. Like any good dad, I’ve got camera in-hand waiting to take a picture. She lifts herself up onto this thing and does a pretty darn good job. Unfortunately, gravity gets the best of her and she plummets over the dino’s back and lands on the carpeted floor on the other side. And, like a good dad, I laugh and take a picture mid-fall (see right). Kaitlyn dusts herself off and goes right back to climbing this prehistoric toy.

End of story, right? Well, once Kaitlyn went ker-plat, this over-concerned ~~pain in the ass~~ woman ran over to Kaitlyn as if she was on fire. She leaned over my daughter to pick her up, but Kaitlyn was already halfway there and started back to the other side of the dino to try again. Between giggles, I thanked the woman for her concern. Nice dad, right?

Apparently not. The ~~pain in the ass~~ woman shot me the dirtiest of dirty looks and walked away. Throughout the rest of our time in the dino room, this woman gave me looks I thought were reserved for the likes of Hitler, Kim Jong-Ill and Rush. It was like I was John Mayer at an NAACP rally.

Now for all your over-concerned ~~pain in the ass~~ moms out there, I get it. You’re so caught up in the Oh my baby’s gonna die if they eat that peanut mentality that it shocks you someone might actually let their kid play on a toy dinosaur and get a bump on the head. That’s fine; swaddle your child.

But please, leave my kid out of it. If Kaitlyn falls of the dinosaur and something is actually wrong, I promise I'll put the camera down. If she skins her knee, she'll cry for a moment and then go right back to playing. Thanks for calling 911, but we don't need a medic for a scab.

And don't blame it on motherly instincts. Michelle was standing right next to me and laughed. Let Kaitlyn get right back up herself. You know why? Because nothing was wrong.

So over-concerned ~~pain in the ass~~ woman from the Natural Science Center on Saturday morning: don't pass judgment on me for letting my kid fall down. I don't criticize you for whipping your boob out to feed your eight-year-old, do I? Well, if you did that I probably would, but c'mon. There are better ways. Haven't you seen the breast milk cheese?

Strange(r) Foods: Breast Milk Cheese in NYC

2010-03-10T10:45:00.018-05:00

I have always thought to myself, Hey self, is there anything better in life than a nice cold glass of milk and some boobies? And the answer is simply, No self, there’s nothing better in life than a nice cold glass of milk and some boobies.

But the two are mutually exclusive. I don’t find myself rummaging through the fridge trying to find some leftover breast milk for my coffee. I just don’t see breast milk in that way. Maybe it’s because I watched Michelle struggle with breastfeeding. Maybe it’s because I subconsciously see the whole mother-child connection and don’t want to intrude on that bond. ~~Maybe it’s because breast milk is a bodily fluid and you don’t see me drinking pee.~~

Whatever the reason, I believe breast milk isn’t for personal consumption after your infancy. But don’t tell that to Daniel Angerer and his wife, Lori Mason.

Angerer, chef and owner of Klee Brasserie in New York City, is putting Mother’s Milk on the menu in the form of homemade cheese. Apparently Lori was a milk machine after giving birth to their daughter and the couple had breast milk all over the place. So ~~mad scientist~~ ~~boobie milk freak~~ chef Angerer decided to cook up some boobie milk cheese:

After blogging about his efforts with the human cheese, customers started demanding a sample, he said. ‘The phone was ringing off the hook,’ the chef said. ‘So I prepared a little canapé of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper.’

The ~~fetish~~ experiment has caught the attention of everyone from the media to mommy experts and even the New York City Health Department, which seems less amused. Per reports, it has asked Angerer to stop offering his wife’s milk to the general public, even though there is no specific law on the books prohibiting it: “The restaurant knows that cheese made from breast milk is not for public consumption, whether it is sold or given away,” a Health Department spokeswoman told the New York Post.

But the attention hasn’t stopped the usual freaks from coming out of the woodwork, according to Mason:

Some people who clearly have issues have . . . e-mailed me saying, 'I wasn't breast-fed as a child, so can I taste your breast milk?' ... I'm not here to walk people through their psychological problems.

Not unless they’re willing to spend some ducats on maple caramelized pumpkin encrusted with Mommy's Milk cheese on a bed of texturized concord grapes, that is.

Strange(r) Things in Life: Pork Roll

2010-03-09T10:45:00.002-05:00

There are few things strange(r) in life than one of the foods that brings such joy into my life: Pork Roll.

Now I understand that there are probably a few of you who have never heard of pork roll. Without using the phrase "little drops of heaven," there's no accurate description of Pork Roll. I mean, Wikipedia doesn't even know how to write about it:

Although the product is widely consumed and enjoyed, it resists accurate description. Some people compare the taste and/or texture to SPAM, Treet, bologna, mild salami, smoked summer sausage, or US-style Canadian bacon. In 1910 it was described as "a food article made of pork, packed in a cylindrical cotton sack or bag in such form that it could be quickly prepared for cooking by slicing without removal from the bag."

I've personally heard more accurate descriptions of Osama bin Laden's whereabouts, but that's neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is that once you take a bite into a perfectly grilled Pork Roll, Egg and Cheese on a Hard Roll (which means Kaiser Roll, people) with deli mustard, you haven't really lived. It's sort of like an initiation into true dining.

I mean, between a porker at Rice's, a Fat Knight from the Grease trucks, a large light and sweet at DD, a sausage pie from Chitch's and a sack full of burgers and rings at White Castle, there's a true New Jersey foodie lesson plan.

So today I salute you, Pork Roll. A strange(r) food, no doubt. A more delicious food, there may not be one.

Strange(r) Than Fiction: Real Idiots

2010-03-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

The latest from the Strange(r) Than Fiction file:

Police have arrested a South Korean couple whose toddler starved to death while they were raising a virtual child online, authorities said. The couple fed their 3-month-old daughter once a day between marathon stretches in a local Internet cafe, where they were raising a virtual child in the fantasy role-playing game Prius Online, police told local reporters Friday.
A 2-year-old boy who suffered third-degree burns on his upper body after igniting his clothes with a lighter remains in UNC Hospitals Jaycee Burn Center in Chapel Hill. According to warrants, the child lit himself on fire with a lighter after his parents allegedly smoked marijuana.
The North Metro Task Force says an 11-year-old boy shot himself in the foot after his father used him to guard a medical- marijuana operation. "I think the 11- year-old was protecting the marijuana grow," said task force spokesman Jerry Peters. "It's a lucrative business."

Strange(r)s Among Us, Part III

2010-03-07T19:50:00.001-05:00

Dear Kaitlyn,

I know you're all of 26-months old and all, but you're still a genius and therefore I believe you're old enough to read this letter.

You may have noticed Mommy crying in the corner earlier in the evening. I know, I know, but Daddy didn't put this baby in a corner. You see, Mommy's just sad because two of her best friends went home today. You know how sad you get when you can't find Buzz and Woody when you want to go to bed? Well that's how Mommy feels -- times a gazillion.

Mommy and Aunt Laura and Aunt Erin have been friends for a very, very long time, Kaitlyn. I mean, very, very long. They were friends when they were your age. Okay, not quite, but gosh darn close to it. And they still act the way they did when they first met. Which is kind of cute and silly ~~and immature~~ all at the same time.

Mommy and Daddy hope you have your own Aunt Laura and Aunt Erin when you get older, because they have been really good friends to Mommy. Granted, Aunt Laura took Mommy to the Dominican and got her in trouble a couple of times and Aunt Erin has some tendencies, but you get the gist. They're good people.

And you don't know how happy it made Mommy to share her friends with you this weekend. She loved how the girls ooh-ed and ahh-ed over you. She loved how well behaved you were, even though you still won't go to bed at a reasonable hour and keep sneaking out of your room because an imaginary bear that isn't even a bear is stalking you (we'll talk more about that later).

So if you see some sniffles coming out from Mommy over the next day or two, it's not because Daddy's pulling an Ike ~~this week~~. Mommy's just sad because her best-est friends had to go home. But don't worry; you'll see them sooner than later. At least we hope so.

Strange(r)s Among Us, Part II

2010-03-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

So here we are, 9:46 p.m. on Saturday, barely made it to beat the NaBloPoMo deadline. And yes, our strangers are still here and happy.

Aunt Laura and Uncle Todd, strangers to Kaitlyn, are holding up pretty well with two toddlers running around the house. And for two people whom never met my daughter, she's taken a liking to them quite quickly.

We've shown our strangers around Greensboro, brought them to the Natural Science Center, ate real North Carolina barbecue and bought some good cigars. It's been a true southern vacation.

Now we're sitting around the house and the guys are listening to the girls talk about the first love of their life, as if they never left Sweet 16. Quite disturbing, I must say.

Strange(r)s Among Us, Part I

2010-03-05T09:45:00.002-05:00

Parents try to keep strangers away from their children. Michelle and I, on the other hand, are welcoming two into our house today.

Aunt Laura and Uncle Todd are making their way to North Carolina today to visit Michelle and I (for the first time). And, of course, Kaitlyn (for the first time). And Aunt Erin is coming back to North Carolina for her third trip, but this time she'll be bring her little bundle of joy, Emma.

Yup, you counted that right, four house guests for the next three days -- including two strange(r)s. At least this will give me a little bit of fodder to stay on topic for the weekend.

And just so you don't feel cheated because this is a short post, I've arranged a short video for you. On topic, of course. Enjoy:

Strange(r) Things You'll Be Seeing

2010-03-04T10:45:00.015-05:00

Here's a real stretch on the topic, but I think all of us NaBloPoMo-ers are allowed a slight slip. I mean, what could be strange(r) than a whole new look to Growing Up Kaitlyn?

That's right, it's about that time. Kaitlyn's growing up, so why shouldn't her blog grow up with her? And instead of just shoving something down your throat, I'm giving you, all two dozen (that's being generous, isn't it?) readers a say in the process.

Here are the options:

wordpress.Fun

Color Paper

dfMarine

As with any template, it will have a little customization to it, including a new Growing Up Kaitlyn header and an actual logo for the blog. Any suggestions and comments on colors and the like are more than welcome. And if you happen to know a web designer who wants to create me a blog skin for absolutely nothing, then ~~thing~~ this little experiment will help direct that process. I mean, I'm good at this stuff, but I'm no pro.

There you have it. Voting starts today. Vote early and often. Kaitlyn appreciates it!

Strange(r) Things in Life: Family

2010-03-03T11:45:00.001-05:00

I don't have the luxury of sifting through piles and piles of comments. I have 17 followers (depending on which social media you subscribe to). That number would probably be around 30 if anyone in my family knew how to properly use Facebook, RSS, FriendFeed or any number of social media applications. I can't even get them to comment properly.

Take my sister Tracy, or Aunt TeTe as Kaitlyn knows her. She reads this blog religiously. I think she's commented on 80 percent of my posts. Problem is, Aunt TeTe doesn't comment on the blog. You see, when I set up this little creative outlet, I put family members on email alert. That in and of itself, I now realize, has probably cost me hundreds, if not thousands of pageviews. Good thing this isn't about money. Sigh.

But back to Aunt TeTe. Instead of shooting a comment on the blog (which I have asked her to do, to no avail), she replies to the email notification. Which is all well and good, since she's reading the posts, albeit in a different form. But as any good blogger knows, comments beget comments beget comments. And I've lost a good 80+ comments from Aunt TeTe alone. If you multiplied that by a reasonable 1.5 (figuring for every two comments, there would be a response from someone), I've lost another 40 comments from you, the general viewership.

Here's her latest comment, which came from the daycare post:

Hey - in Mexico. Tell Michelle this place is AMAZING! Sorry she could not join me, maybe next time... I´ll touch base with you guys next week. No cell service, but internet is very cheap $8/hour. Just wanted to let you know in case of any emergency... :-)

I probably lost a good eight to 12 thread comment list from that. They probably would have gone something like, "What are you doing in Mexico?", "No cell service? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?", "I know what else is $8 an hour in Mexico" and other classics.

I don't know what's strange(r): the fact that my wife apparently knew my sister was in Mexico while I did not, or the fact that my sister is willing to shell out $8 an HOUR to check email. Oh well, enjoy Mexico sis. You've just been blogged.

Strange(r) Things on the Web: Chatroulette

2010-03-02T11:15:00.005-05:00

As I said in my intro to NaBloPoMo, strange(r) is a topic that we as parents are always concerned with. Case in point: Chatroulette.

If you haven't heard about this yet, you likely will very, very soon. Chatroulette, as described by the Associated Press, "randomly links users with strangers who could be anywhere in the world. If you don't like the person who pops up on the screen, just click 'Next.' Repeat." And it was built by a 17-year-old from Russia.

Think of it as channel surfing, except with real people. Everyone's got a webcam, so you're essentially peeking in on people at random times. Its equal parts chatroom, Facebook and voyeurism. And that's where the problems begin.

You see, for every quirky techno-geek you may find singing a song about apples ala Randy Newman, you can also find yourself face-to-face with a perv who could be introducing you to his "lil' buddy." Pretty scary stuff, huh? That's what experts like Dr. Keith Ablow are saying about Chatroulette:

Parents should keep all children off the site because it's much too dangerous for children. It's a predator's paradise. This is one of the worst faces of the Internet that I've seen. It's disconnecting human relationships rather than connecting them.

Or how about Ernie Allen, president of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children:

(It's) a huge red flag. This is extreme social networking. Absolutely random. No limits. Graphic sexual content. This is the last place parents want their kids to be ... A lot of kids are doing it in groups because they find it funny ... But you want to talk to them about what they're seeing, because who does that? Who just exposes themselves to a webcam and then waits for a pervert to come along?

Who indeed.

Strange(r) things in daycare

2010-03-01T14:45:00.002-05:00

I have been bringing Kaitlyn to the Big Girl Class at daycare for a little more than a month now. She actually loves it – she sees friends from her former toddler classroom, latches on to them and plays to her heart’s content. There are new toys and some new kids, especially boys (keep your grubby hands off her, boys. You’re not too young to get a smackdown from Daddy).

But one thing I am noticing is the prevalence of strange (ha! NaBloPoMo topic covered!) behaviors not from the kids, but the parents. I don’t profess to be the best parent, but I think I’m on the right track. And I’m sure you know how best to raise your own kid, but I’m allowed to shake my head at some of the things I see going on, right? For example:

I do think that it’s a little too early to be giving your 24-36 month old Biscuitville for breakfast every morning. Once in a while treat, especially on weekends? Cool. But having a sausage and egg biscuit each day is a slippery slope, is it not?
Long car trips almost require a DVD player to keep the tikes’ attention away from the seemingly never-ending confinement. I get that and have even used that tactic. Tinker Bell has saved me once or twice. But to use the DVD player for the five or ten minutes it takes to drive your kid to daycare?
Can we wait until, say, the sixth grade to begin hawking wrapping paper, cookie dough and other fundraising items? I promise not to do it if you don’t. And on a side note: If I do buy from you because your kid is too lazy to walk around and ask for himself/herself your teenager, you darn well better buy from my kid.
The classroom is having a holiday party (Valentine’s, Christmas, Arbor Day, whatever). A pack of mini cupcakes is $2.39 plus tax. A jug of apple juice is $3.49 plus tax. Holiday plates and napkins can be had at any dollar store in the country. I was semi-retired and still got my kid’s class a snack. We’re all contributing. Do your part.

NaBloPoMo - Say It Five Times Fast

2010-02-28T10:45:00.001-05:00

So now that I got some linkjuice love, I decided it's time to give all eight of those visitors something to come back to. Thanks MaryMac, you've officially made this whole blogging thing work.

So I welcome you to my attempt at NaBloPoMo; it's not just fun to say, but it's fun to do, too! Basically, it's sort of a blogging test - post once a day for an entire month. Plus, stay on topic. Because heck, anyone could write something about anything for 30 days; the trick is to stay on topic for each of those posts. Especially when the topic doesn't closely resemble anything your blog is about.

This month's topic is: Strange(r), which could mean anything from writing about random people you come across every day to odd things that you see on your drive to work to different (i.e. "strange") Web sites you come across daily (see how we played on the word a bit to stretch the topic? You know you're in the presence of a writer).

Being a parenting blog, I don't really think Strange(r) is a topic that meshes well. I mean, we tell our kids not to talk to strangers, not to eat strange foods, not to stick your finger there and a bunch of other NOTs related to strangeness. So this could be an interesting month.

Wish me luck. 30 blogs in 30 days, starting today. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Home Sweet (Dream) Home ... with an awesome custom bar

2010-02-27T13:56:00.000-05:00

To all of you who made it here thanks to MaryMac, I welcome you. Ah, yes, linkjuice tastes so sweet. And just to clarify: my wife doesn't blog -- she just ~~makes smartass comments and tells me what I'm doing wrong~~ oversees production and takes a picture now and then. I hope you enjoy it here and decide to make your way back in the future.

Anywho, loving wifey is working today, which left Kaitlyn in the ~~uneasy~~ ~~trembling~~ ~~capable~~ hands of Daddy. We've already had a busy day, which has included looking at some shiny new homes. No, blogging hasn't made me rich enough to purchase a shiny new home (not to mention we've already got one). It's something I enjoy doing, considering my previous job.

Looking at homes makes me wonder what's going to happen in the years to come. I mean, that nice bonus room above the garage would make a great play area for Kaitlyn and/or more kids (Yikes, did I say that? See what happens when Michelle's not around to oversee my little production) but it would also make a cool poker room. Or maybe a pool table. With a dart board. And custom bar. Oh wait, no bathroom in the bonus room. Nix the bonus room.

Then what about that master bedroom on the first floor? Right now I couldn't think about my 26-month-old upstairs alone. But what about when she's eight? I mean, it won't matter once she becomes a teenager -- she'll be locked in the tower -- but I think I'll want a floor separating us when she's all about yelling at Daddy. At least seeing her stomp up the stairs when I tell her "no" will be entertaining.

And how big of a lot do I need? I mean, I want a yard big enough to put a swing set, but I'm sort of spoiled not having to do yard work. Plus, Michelle has a black thumb -- she can kill a cactus.

I guess for now we'll remain happy in our little townhome. It's a good home -- just one without a shiny new poker room/pool table/dart board/custom bar. Sigh.

Who Wants to Go for a Run?

2010-02-23T20:34:00.006-05:00

Ed. Note: I sent this email earlier this evening as a result of some news I got this week. Thought it was Growing Up Kaitlyn-worthy. Enjoy.

Dear Friends:

While you are getting this email from Michelle, it's actually James. I didn't have all your email accounts in my address book, so I hijacked my wife's email for this very important announcement.

As you may or may not know, I am a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I eat anything and everything. There's Papa John's The Meats pizza, the entire dollar menu at McDonald's, bottomless Garlic Parmesan Fries at Red Robin, the Tour of Italy at Olive Garden, a Joey Bag of Donuts at Moe's, the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Chang's and countless other foods that, without my support, would likely be taken off menus across this great nation. I do, however, draw the line at Costco-brand dim-sum (thanks, Joe).

Because my body's metabolism has allowed me to eat these wonderfully sinful foods without gaining more than four or five pounds in any given calendar year since I was 15, I never saw the affect any of this was having on my health. Never looked at weight as a problem, never had a total workup during a physical because doctors told me, "You look fine. Anything wrong?" and the answer was no; never had my cholesterol checked, mostly out of fear the nurse reading the results would have a coronary just by looking at the high numbers.

All this changed, however, in my return from semi-retirement. In order to get lower health insurance costs, I had to participate in the company's wellness program. That required getting blood drawn and tests done. The results came back this week. And I need some help.

Apparently, all my fast food friends weren't actually my friends. Can you believe a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese isn't good for you? Yeah, I know. This will in all likelihood end my quest to becoming the next Deep Fried Ambassador. My cholesterol levels are -- how to put this -- higher than Tim Lincecum at HempCon. In plain English, I need to get healthier. And one of those ways is to (brace yourselves) start running again. *GASP*

I figured there's no better motivation than money. I am already dropping the $25 to register for the 2nd Annual Running for the Green on May 22, a 5K that benefits the Greensboro Children's Museum. I figured that not only will I have the motivation to run because I don't want to lose the money, but I would also be giving the money to a good cause -- one that the family will benefit from since we love bringing Kaitlyn to the museum.

So the offer to you is simple: come run with me. It's a mere three miles through Fisher Park on a Saturday morning. If you run with me, I'll even provide my home and the food for a grilling party that afternoon. Heck, come out and support everyone who's running and you too can come to the house (bring your own food though, slacker).

I have 13 weeks to get myself into some semblance of shape (and no, "round" doesn't count). Michelle might even come out and support me if you all bug her enough. But she won't run -- remember the Cannonball?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Talk to you all soon. Later -- James.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

2010-02-20T13:31:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks, Michelle and I have had a visitor in our bed each night. There was no telling when Kaitlyn would make her way into our bed, but inevitably there she'd be, snoring away in between Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes vertical, sometimes horizontal, always snoring.

Like I said, no telling what time she'd make her way in, either. Sometimes she'd start in the bed because she wouldn't go down quietly. In recent weeks, Kaitlyn would be in her crib screaming at the top of her lungs for an hour-plus while we sat in the bedroom praying for her to pass out from crying.

Nope. So either we'd bring her in the bed with us (I know, I know. Parenting 101 - you don't do that). or I would rock her to sleep. Sometimes for 10 minutes, sometimes for an hour and a half. There have been nights when Michelle would have to come and get me at 2 or 3 in the morning because I was passed out on the rocker with her.

This trend continued on our Disney vacation, as Kaitlyn was wired with chocolate, diet soda (thanks, Nana) and ice cream and would not sleep alone. That trip was the last straw. We had finally had enough of this. Actually, Michelle finally gave in and allowed me to turn the last bastion of toddler-hood into Kaitlyn's first bed.

Earlier this morning, while Michelle and Kaitlyn lay in bed watching Playhouse Disney, I took off the prison bars and replaced them with the small wooden bar that opens up a whole new world for little girls and boys around the world. I have to say, it was a little tough to do, since there's always that piece of you that doesn't want her to grow up. At the same time, I like my sleep and nothing else seems to be working.

We'll see how we do tonight. She's gotten a little taste of the bed, crawling into it and putting her stuffed animals in a corner. I just hope she decides to be a big girl tonight, because I could really use a good night's sleep.

An Open Letter to RDU

2010-02-17T20:25:00.002-05:00

Dear Raleigh-Durham International Airport:

I like you, but I don't love you. I sort of view you as the Mistress of airports. You're airport-sexy thanks to low airfares from Southwest. And I like you enough to keep you around for a while, even for non-Southwest flights. Your name even rolls off the tongue. RDU. A lot sexier than PTIA or Charlotte-Douglas. Eh.

But I can't commit to you because of your flaws. And there are lots of them. And the more I see them, the more I know you're not the one for me. For instance:

You think more highly of yourself than others think of you. When I can find a cheaper flight to places like New York and Las Vegas from Greensboro, you're kidding yourself. And that's even including Southwest.
And speaking of Southwest, they're your bread and butter. Treat them like it. If Southwest bolted for someplace else, you'd be nothing more than the PTIA of the state capitol. Provide Southwest passengers some love, like a covered walkway from the parking lot to the Southwest terminal without having to trek two miles with your luggage.
For a "major" airport, you have no amenities. Pre-security checkpoint, you've got a chapel the size of a tack and a vending machine for flowers. That's it. Post-security checkpoint, I can either get a week-old turkey sandwich in plastic or a weak cup of coffee. Work on this. Pronto.
Your customer service is pathetic. Here's the deal: If my car needs a jump, I should be able to find a security guard and have them juice the ol' girl. Nope. Gotta call AAA, which promptly comes and takes care of business. Then, thanks to your stupid ExitExpress program, I actually get charged more when exiting the airport because I was over the allotted time to exit the airport. Here's a hint: If someone has to get their car jumped, spare them the extra two bucks. They've been through enough.

You've got a lot going for you, RDU. I like you, might even be so bold as to say that I like you a lot. But like any mistress, you've got baggage. You want me to commit to you, but are you really better than PTIA? Without Southwest and the rapping flight attendant, I don't think so.

In Pictures: Shamu

2010-02-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

I'm getting lazy today in an effort to keep up with the vacation blogging. Here was Funday Sunday at SeaWorld. You will note the lack of pictures compared to previous days. There are two reasons:

First, it's SeaWorld. I have pictures of animal all over this blog. No need to dull you any more.

Second, I was busy with three other children as Michelle's childhood friend, Aunt Jaimie, was in town with family. There's nothing like rolling through a theme park with four kids and five adults and still not feeling like you have enough hands.

Here is our side of the SeaWorld crew. Aunt Mary, Michelle, Kaitlyn and Nana with Rosie O'Donnell.

This might have been while watching the manatees. It could have been eyeing up the crocs. No matter. It was fun.

See what I mean about animal pictures? They're just stagnant. Yeah, sure, they're cute. They're colorful. They're boring as sin.

If you see this group heading your way, you are advised to run the other direction screaming at the top of your lungs. Otherwise, you'll end up running after them through a theme park screaming at the top of your lungs.

Kaitlyn got a hold of this penguin doll first thing Sunday morning and never let go. Kaitlyn loves penguins. Too bad for her she never saw a real one at SeaWorld -- she slept through the Penguin Encounter.

In Pictures: Disney Redemption

2010-02-14T20:45:00.001-05:00

I'm running a day behind here in the hap-hap-happiest place on Earth, but that's to be expected. I'm on vacation, damnit.

After the typhoon landed in central Florida on Friday, we were able to make it to the pièce de résistance, the Magic Kingdom, on Saturday. While it might have put us behind a day, it all worked out. Especially since I didn't want to walk around sopping wet.

We did, however, walk around in 35-degree weather once you factored in the wind chill. Burr. Main Street U.S.A. was a wind tunnel, Walt and Co. were selling out of knit caps and there was a 45-minute wait to get coffee and hot chocolate.

The clouds parted toward midday, but it was still cold. Never got above 45 degrees all day. Sunday helped counter that and Monday is expected to get darn near 70 degrees (yea, golf day!), but Saturday was like sitting on an iceberg.

The highlights: Meeting the princesses in the morning, seeing the fireworks at night. And of course: Tinker Bell and her pixie friends.

Started the day at a character breakfast. While she appears somewhat interested, looks can be deceiving: Kaitlyn peed herself every time a character approached.

Off to the Magic Kingdom. Michelle sports a knit hat that Disney roped us into purchasing by turning the industrial air conditioners on inside the bubble that protects the resort. In the summer months, Disney pumps hot air into the bubble to justify $5 bottles of water.

While the characters with masks completely freaked out Kaitlyn, she was much more amenable to characters that are portrayed by actual people. This helps tremendously later, as you will see.

There are very few things Pop-Pop requests on his trips into the Magic Kingdom. One is the Country Bear Jamboree, much to my chagrin. I just don't get it. The other is the Jungle Cruise, which is a little more up my alley.

The line directly behind and ahead of us to see the Disney Fairies. We waited in this line for nearly 1.5 hours. And my daughter didn't whine, wince or create havoc once. She did, however, bust loose and darted into the character area ahead of 25 people.

Disney Fairy No. 1 was Rosetta, who seemed quite taken with Kaitlyn during the visit. Either that, or she was all up in Daddy's biz-niz, if you know what I mean.

Disney Fairy No. 2 was Silvermist, who was very nice to Kaitlyn, but she was no Rosetta. To Kaitlyn or to Daddy. On a side note: This was one of the few pictures where Kaitlyn decided against the "Be Like Mike" tongue-sticking-out look during our entire stay in the hap-hap-happiest place on Earth.

Disney Fairy No. 3 was Tinker Bell herself. T-Bell (which is what the cool kids call her) was very sweet and bubbly, much how I would expect a fairy to be.

Valentine's Day Special: Disney Edition

2010-02-14T17:09:00.000-05:00

So everyone's writing Valentine's Day posts about their significant others. Yada yada yada. Yeah, I love my wife, too. Enough to keep her out of a blog post once in a while.

Especially since we're here in the ha-hap-happiest place on Earth. After a day of mischief at Shamu's place, we're going to grab some grub with some real Valentines. You see, tonight's Nana and Pop-Pop's anniversary. How many, you ask? Enough to have six kids old enough to forget how many. That's a lot.

So we'll be back tomorrow with an update on the trip. For today, we here at Growing Up Kaitlyn wish you a Happy Valentine's Day with the ones you love. I'm off to celebrate two special days:

The happy couple, not looking too bad for 328 years married. Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids ...

... and Happy Valentine's Day, my two beautiful girls.

Disney Day 1: Rain, Rain, Go Away

2010-02-12T14:38:00.000-05:00

So here we are in the hap, hap, happiest place on Earth and it's raining cats and dogs. Or mice and ducks. Or pixies and princesses. Whatever, it's raining. And it sucks.

And it's cold. It's like we never left North Carolina, only the prices of beer went up about 75 percent. It's no snowstorm-hitting-the-Northeast or anything, but it's not supposed to get warmer than 55 degrees today. Did I mention that it's raining, like, an inch a minute here, too?

The Disney bus driver told us some forecasters even talked about snow flurries north of Orlando. WTF?!?!?

So here was our day today: Get up at 6:30 a.m., hang up around the timeshare watching Playhouse Disney until everyone wakes up. Head to breakfast at Olivia's and decide to test the rain. Jump on bus and go to Disney's Hollywood Studios.

Get to Hollywood Studios amidst heavier rains. Decide to change course. Jump back on bus and go shopping in Downtown Disney. Shop and eat sundaes at Ghirardelli. Head back on bus for timeshare. Watch The Little Mermaid. Keep eye on rain at 2:15 p.m.

What are we going to do for the next seven hours? Probably eat something, somewhere. Pray for the rain to stop sounds like a plan, considering there's more in the forecast for the next 12-plus hours.

Be prepared Mickey: Kaitlyn's a-comin'

2010-02-09T19:37:00.000-05:00

It's been one year since our inaugural voyage to Walt Disney World with our Disney Girl. The last time we were there, she had a great time playing in the pool, a pretty good time riding It's A Small World, and was terrified at the sight of real-life characters. All in all, a lot of fun.

So here we are, just about 36 hours until the flight takes off from RDU bound for Orlando. This time, though, Kaitlyn's prepared.

She knows Mickey inside-out. Minnie doesn't know this much about the big-eared one. She's a pair of wings shy of being an honest-to-goodness fairy herself. My guess is she would be a Tinker fairy, considering she likes to take things apart (we're working on the putting-things-back-together-again part). The princesses are her new go-to characters, even though she calls Beast "Bear" and mixes up Pocahontas and Mulan. Apparently she's not too politically correct.

I've prepped her extensively regarding proper character etiquette. She's saying all the right things thus far:

Me: Who are we going to see this week Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn: Mickey! Donald! Tinker Bell!
Me: Are we scared of Mickey?
Kaitlyn: No.
Me: Are we scared of Tinker Bell?
Kaitlyn: No.
Me: Are we going to give Mickey a big hug when we see him?
Kaitlyn: Yes.
Me: Can you show me? (big hug ensues)

We're nearly packed. We've got the cameras charged. We've got the tickets in hand. We've got the character breakfast booked. Now it all comes down to execution. And that's up to Kaitlyn. Or else we end up with this again:

Boo would never eat Kaitlyn

2010-02-06T10:58:00.001-05:00

Kaitlyn gets a big kick out of playing with Boo. Since Boo is all of nine pounds, it's not like she's an intimidating presence that scares Kaitlyn.

It also helps that Boo has never done anything more than lick Kaitlyn's fingers and face. That's due in large part to Michelle and I making sure that neither Boo or Kaitlyn cross the line of playing (No Kaitlyn, don't pull Boo-Boo's ears. No Boo-Boo, don't take Kaitlyn's toy).

So it's a little bothersome when you read stories like this one from our great state of North Carolina. Another one to file under the "Dumb Parents" header:

The night of Aug. 31, 2009, [Robbie Lynn Jenkins, 20, and Tremayne Jerel Spillman, 23] both consumed Seroquel, a sleep-inducing medication prescribed to Jenkins, and left their 4-month-old child, Tremayne Jerel Spillman Jr., on a foldout couch in the couple’s Murrill Hill Road home. A pit bull puppy they were dog-sitting chewed the toes off the baby boy.

[Jenkins and Spillman] appeared in court Thursday, pleading guilty to felonious negligent child abuse involving serious physical injury and misdemeanor contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Jenkins received eight to 11 months. Spillman received 10 to 13 months. The couple also received five months credit for time served. Their plea was not part of a pre-arranged deal and they received the maximum sentence possible, according to state sentencing structure laws.

According to other reports, the couple was so blitzed that never heard the baby screaming and only became aware of the problem when they went to change their four-month-old son's diaper the next morning. THE. NEXT. MORNING.

Just as disturbing as the incident itself is the fact that they "received the maximum sentence possible." We've got pot smokers who get 24 months just for sitting on their couches with the munchies, but people who let a dog eat a baby spend less than a year in jail.

Two-year-old forward commits to Lady Volunteers

2010-02-04T23:42:00.004-05:00

I know I'm sort of stretching here, but I think Kaitlyn's going to have a lot going on. A whole lot. I mean, she's getting some pretty good genes for athletics, as I stand at six-foot-three and Michelle's just shy of a strong five-foot-ten.

And with National Signing Day being this past week, I am going to make a stunning announcement: After careful consideration, 25-month-old Kaitlyn Moffat has committed to play for the Tennessee Lady Volunteers and legendary coach Pat Summitt.

Granted, it's only a verbal commitment, since Kaitlyn is, you know, 25-months-old and there are plenty of things that could change in the next 15 years. I mean, she may decide that Geno Auriemma and the UConn Huskies deserve some consideration, or even Daddy's beloved Duke Blue Devils. She may pursue ~~Daddy's dream dream of becoming a professional golfer and getting dear old Dad on some of those courses he could never afford to play~~ another career path.

The point is, it's never too early to start planning for the future, especially when it comes to the competitive realm of college athletics and recruiting. It's a game (pun intended) that's starting earlier and earlier for players, coaches and parents. Take the case of David Sills.

You see, 13-year-old David Sills is a good football player. Apparently he's got a pretty good arm. Good enough for Quarterback U. to take notice and offer the youngster a full ride. You read that right. Newly-installed USC football czar Lane Kiffin has offered this newly-minted teenager a scholarship to the University of Southern California. I wonder how many 8th grade Science Fair blue ribbon winners get full rides to M.I.T.

The scary part? The youngster accepted the offer. Or maybe what's scarier is that the parents are apparently on board with this plan. Why not, considering they'll reap the financial benefits of young Davy's golden arm. Especially at USC, where financial benefits start even before you turn pro.

Sills is 5-foot-11 and 136 pounds, with doctors having told him he will grow to be 6-foot-5. "I've always imagined in my dreams going to USC," he said. "But I never really detailed it to the phone call. All I imagined was playing in the Coliseum. But this is so crazy and out of nowhere." [David Sill's father] said he talked many times with his son about college, specifically USC, cautioning his son about "if that opportunity is there when the time comes. "We assumed that would be when he was a junior [in high school]," Sills IV said.

Note to Coach Summitt: I am no doctor, but I can assure you that Kaitlyn will grow to six-foot-eight (give or take 12 inches). And with my athletic background (I was the starting point guard on my middle school team and played some pick-up ball through my 20s) and Michelle's ~~anal-retentiveness~~ attention to detail, you will truly be getting a unique specimen, as well as a student of the game.

In Pictures: Kaitlyn's first snowman

2010-02-02T10:16:00.006-05:00

So I return from sunny South Florida just in time for another winter blast in Greensboro. I say every year that I love a good snowfall, but now it's just getting ridiculous.

This is the second major snowfall here this season and, personally, this one's worse than the first. That's because it's not just snow, but ice underneath the snow. At least an inch thick underneath, meaning the sunny days won't completely melt away all the problems immediately.

Nevertheless, it's still awfully nice to look at, especially when you've got a peanut who loves nothing more than playing in it.

Kaitlyn does love her some snow. And yes, those are Michelle's fuzzy socks on her feet in order to keep her sneakers as dry as possible.

Kaitlyn and Daddy rolling out some snowman pieces. Just hours before, Daddy was in sunny, warm Miami. Ugh.

Kaitlyn's snowman is nearly complete, as she stretches to her tippy toes to put the carrot nose in place. And yes, I said tippy toes. Got a problem with that?

Kaitlyn's first snowman

I just flew in from Miami and boy are my arms tired

2010-02-01T22:14:00.001-05:00

It's been a whirlwind week, hence not so much as a squeak from my on social media. There were some random Tweets, but half of you probably haven't a clue that I have a Twitter account; one-quarter probably don't know how to use Twitter; the final 1/4 of you don't know what I'm talking about.

For the last six days, I was attending the Market America World Conference in Miami. It was a bit weird being away from Michelle and Kaitlyn for a full six days. And to think, I head back to Florida in 10 days. But more on that in the coming days.

So I had this great idea for today's post where I was going to share some of the texts exchanged between Michelle and I during the week. There were some classic ones in there, too. One was about Kaitlyn crying because YaYa and Pop-Pop were going to watch Boo for the week. Another was about Kaitlyn waking up and not seeing me in bed.

Problem is, I had to delete all of my messages because my memory was full in the cell phone. I figured Michelle would have her messages saved since she doesn't normally delete anything from her phone until it's 100 percent full. Unfortunately, Michelle hit that mark and deleted all her messages, too.

Instead, here's a short list of the things I learned while in Miami:

Don't order a Cuban sandwich at the American Airlines Arena. Apparently their version is turkey and ham on a hard baguette with banana peppers and a not-so-appetizing spread. That's $12 I'll never get back.
The Hilton Serenity mattresses and pillows make being away from home bearable. Those things are heaven.
Seventy-five degrees and sunny is perfect weather in Miami, as long as you're able to enjoy it outside. Otherwise, it's just a tease.
I always thought the whole "Asians take lots of pictures" statement was a gross stereotype. Boy, was I wrong.
Some celebrities look hot on camera and when you see them in person, you're sort of like, "Oh, she's not really that hot." Eva Longoria is not that type of celebrity.
I understand that the people of Miami are all about form-fitting clothes. But some people's form doesn't fit their clothes.

Kaitlyn Kares wrap-up

2010-01-23T14:00:00.001-05:00

We've been very fortunate over the last few weeks.

First, semi-retirement ended and I'm able to bring in some ducats. Second, Kaitlyn turned two and we had a great time with great friends. Finally, we just wrapped up the Kaitlyn Kares food drive and, I'm happy to report, it was a rousing success.

For those of you who don't know, Michelle and I decided to do a service project to correspond with Kaitlyn's second birthday. We figured it was something we could do every year around Kaitlyn's birthday and, when she gets older, will realize that it's good to give back.

Over a week's time, we collected food door-to-door in our neighborhood, as well as sponsored a food drive contest at the daycare. Thanks to the generous response, we were able to provide Positive Direction for Youth and Families, Inc., an outreach center and food pantry in east Greensboro, nearly 400 cans and boxes of food.

Friday was our day to drop off all those donations, and it was truly a great experience. We stocked the shelves and talked with the volunteers, led by Mary Todd Allen, the organization's executive director. We learned a lot about the group, including that they've got an adjacent barber shop and beauty salon that helps offset the costs to run the non-profit.

Kaitlyn didn't just lend her name to the project, but she was an asset when we had to stock the shelves

If you can believe it, we nearly filled the pantry shelves with our donations. We actually had more items than their closets could hold, which gave us a warm, fuzzy feeling

Kaitlyn found time to have some fun, too

These are the wonderful women of Positive Direction for Youth & Families, Inc.

The Pecking Order, Kaitlyn-Approved

2010-01-21T22:26:00.001-05:00

Last night was a rough night. Kaitlyn decided she didn't want to sleep in her crib, so around 1 a.m. she wailed for Mommy. And of course Daddy got up and brought her into bed. And later in the night, when Kaitlyn woke up crying for milk, Mommy got up, went to the kitchen and brought it back into bed for Kaitlyn.

Granted, Michelle doesn't remember a lick of it thanks to the Ambien, but that's not the point of the story.

In the morning (the real morning, not the 1 a.m. wake-up call), as Michelle got ready for work and I lay with Kaitlyn in bed watching Blues Clues, the little one rolled over to Michelle's side of the bed and proudly stated, "Lay on Mommy's pillow."

That's good honey, I replied. Kaitlyn then rolls over toward me, finally coming to rest with her head on the pillow that would be considered "my side."

"Lay on Kaitlyn's pillow," she exclaims.

"No honey, that's Daddy's pillow."

"Daddy lay on Kaitlyn's pillow."

I shake my head and laugh, realizing that my daughter recognizes the bed as Michelle's space, a place that she has fully vesting rights to and I am merely a placeholder. So Kaitlyn has made the unofficial pecking order official. For those keeping track (or more appropriately, for those who hadn't figured this out already): Michelle, Kaitlyn, Boo, James.

Finally: Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes on the new job. Things are going quickly over there and I have a great group of people to work with (and no, they don't know I blog so none of them are reading this -- unless they stumbled upon it somehow). And they're keeping me plenty busy.

Semi-retirement ends tomorrow

2010-01-18T20:02:00.001-05:00

Today is the last day of my semi-retirement, as I head off to my new job with Market America. No, I'm not selling, but rather working on the company's Web site, which I urge you to bookmark and purchase from in order to ensure long and happy employment for me.

Seriously though, I look forward to the new challenges ahead and not listening to Michelle complain about me not doing anything on her list talk about how I need to shower each and every day being a more involved member of society. So the days will be a little longer, a little busier. The nights a little more tiring, a little more hectic.

How will this affect Kaitlyn? Probably not at all, since she'll remain in the same daycare with the same friends at the same price (ugh). How will this affect Michelle? Ridonkulously, considering she'll not only have to not count on me being home to run her errands, but also not be at home in case there's a call from daycare.

She'll likely be the one who gets those calls now, since she'll be closer and now has something like 10.5 years 12 months nine weeks of comp time at work. Plus, she's a government worker, and we all know they don't do anything work on their own schedule sit on their thumbs all day put in so many hours anyway that they can afford to take the extra time.

More importantly, how will this affect Growing Up Kaitlyn? I hope not at all, but it appears I'm going to have to try and set up an actual posting schedule for the blog so that I keep to it. We'll let you know what the final decision on that one turns out to be, but don't fret -- Growing Up Kaitlyn will continue strong.

In Pictures: Birthday Party, Part II

2010-01-17T11:57:00.002-05:00

Now I know why the Big Guy rested on a Sunday.

Yesterday was Kaitlyn's birthday party and it takes a lot of work to pull off a toddler's party. Between the cooking, the planning, the shopping, the cleaning and the hosting, it's no wonder these things drive parents crazy. I'm plum-tuckered.

But it was a very nice party thanks to all that work. Michelle's anal retentiveness organizational skills came in very handy; she's a list Nazi maker and likes to crack the whip take initiative. It's a good thing I ignore her and do my own thing take direction well and can multi-task.

Anywho, here's what you've been waiting for:

Kaitlyn's first guest arrives. Soon to follow: Kaitlyn realizing guests are nothing more than deliverers of presents

Party activity: finger painting. After-party activity: cleaning up finger painting

The kids' going-home-from-party gift was a handprint done with the help of the wonderful Kylie (left), who helped the kids during arts and crafts time at the party

After arts-and-crafts time, the kids -- both big and small -- had some outdoor fun while Daddy cleaned up inside.

Two kids enter, one kid leaves: the fathers were taking bets on which child would win each battle. I bet on Kaitlyn because, well, she's built like a linebacker

Oh yeah, time for cake and presents. And by the way Daddy: Get this stupid hat off me

Kaitlyn could care less about the card, considering there's a Yo Gabba Gabba toy in front of her. On a side note: Everyone who purchased a toy that makes noise/sound will be receiving a drum set for their child's second birthday

As you can tell by the looks on Mommy's and Daddy's faces, another Yo Gabba Gabba toy that makes noise was opened. I am actually pointing Kaitlyn toward the puzzles out of camera range, attempting to distract her. It didn't work

So there you have it, Kaitlyn's birthday party, in pictures. I don't think there's anything else. Oh wait, that's right:

The final product. I have to admit, I'm not completely pleased with the look. I completely understand why people charge the amounts they do to decorate cakes, though. I had these grandiose plans for decorating, but soon realized that I didn't have the tools for the intricate work or the know-how to accomplish some of the detailed parts.

The good news was that no one spit out the finished cake because it tasted poorly. It actually tasted pretty good. Michelle even gave it her stamp of approval, no small feat considering her cake-snobbery.

In Pictures: Birthday Party, Part I

2010-01-14T15:44:00.001-05:00

We're preparing for Kaitlyn's birthday party this week and we're t-minus two days from the festivities. While Michelle is running around like a chicken with her head cut off organizing per usual, I am taking this opportunity to make up for my lack of initiative over the last eight-plus months of semi-retirement.

I am making her cake.

And we're not talking about some run-of-the-mill cake here, either. I had the bright notion a few weeks ago that I would pull a Duff and trick out this birthday cake. You see, we had a little snafu with last year's cake (purchased) and I wanted to make sure that this year's cake would do us proud. Plus, I'm pretty anal-retentive creative, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

This year, Michelle decided on a Crayola-themed party. You may recall the trip to New Jersey and the Crayola Factory late last year, which Kaitlyn loved. So wouldn't be friggin' sweet if we had a big-old box of Crayola crayons as the cake? Heck yeah it would.

I found some ideas online. Some people are really creative. Some people have too much time on their hands are great artists. Some people really need to take a class have big hearts. I wanted to take it a step further -- fondant.

Anybody can ice a cake with some out-of-the-can Betty Crocker. But wouldn't it be friggin' sweet to build a cake, making the homemade butter cream icing and fondant to give it that Ace of Cakes feel? Heck yeah it would.

So I found a great recipe and ran with it. It's a messy proposition, from start to finish. And not just the fondant. The whole cake building process is pretty intense. It is ... well, just take a look for yourself:

The remnants of my cake-shaving experiment, part one. And that's homemade fondant. I would have taken a picture of the fondant-making process, but then the camera would just be one big lump of marshmallow.

The cake-building process is getting into its nitty-gritty stages. More remnants. And by the way -- I made a great tasting cake, if I do say so myself

Yeah, I know you're impressed with my fondant color mixing skills

Yeah, a covered cake. Hells yeah. And that recipe makes a helluva lot of fondant, so if you're planning to use the recipe, I would highly suggest making only one batch. And by the way: If anyone's looking for some extra fondant, just give me a call.

Yeah, this is AFTER the first clean-up session. Told you it was intense.

So you're going to have to wait another couple days to see the finished product, since I'm still working on it. Plus, I want the returning visitor pageviews to pump up my analytics.

The Day That Changed Everything

2010-01-13T08:57:00.002-05:00

Here we are, two years later.

I never knew what to expect when that day came. There was plenty of questions heading into January 13, 2008. Were we ready for this? What would the future hold? How could we overcome all of the doubts and internal struggle?

Who ever knew waiting could be so difficult? Who knew that rest was so unrestful? Anxiety set in sometime around 2 p.m., when the tension could be cut with a knife. By 4 p.m. it was almost time to see what the future would hold, questions be damned.

We pushed ourselves to the limit, we prayed and we hoped. We sweat, we laughed, we cried, we even said a couple bad words during the ordeal. We had some times where we didn't think the end would come, but then finally we saw the finale later that evening, and it was beautiful.

We welcomed the outcome with open arms, knowing that the game had changed and destiny had touched her hand on our shoulders. We didn't know exactly the path we would now take, but we knew it was paved in gold and we would be winners when we finally came to its conclusion.

Now, two years later, we can take pride in the fact that we persevered through it all. We can say that, even if we made mistakes over the last two years, we still are on the right path. We still have our future. We still have that day.

That day led to so many things. It led to parties and celebrations. It led to lessons learned and dreams imagined. It even led to some bumps and bruises that will help shape us for what the future holds. And boy, what does that future hold.

I can always look back on that day, that one fine day and think, This is what it was supposed to be. This is how it was supposed to happen. God smiled that day, and he was happy. Happy that a touch of His hand had given us all something so special. Something so real.

I sit here and smirk, thinking back to that day in the hospital room and watching it all unfold in front of me. And finally, at the end of the day, I sat back in my chair and exhaled. I knew this part was over, but the hard part was just beginning. Did I know how it would happen, or ever if it would happen so fast? No. Did I care? Not in the least.

I just relished in that moment. That moment: New York Giants 21, Dallas Cowboys 17.*

*Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Kaitlyn. You came into this world on the same day that Eli Manning came into his own. And if you turned out to be a boy, there was going to be some serious discussion regarding names.

Dora's forgotten twin

2010-01-12T12:00:00.002-05:00

Help me decide. Leave a comment.

2010-01-09T08:29:00.001-05:00

One dozen golf balls received as Christmas gift and returned: $16.31 on gift card

One package of Huggies pull-ups for Kaitlyn: $16.31 off gift card

Okay, here's the deal: I was recently presented with this conundrum while visiting my local Walmart. The golf balls were returned, as I was fully intending to purchase the brand I normally play. I also needed to look into purchasing pull-ups for my daughter, who is growing exponentially and will soon be headed to the two-year old room at daycare.

So there I stood, in the diaper aisle of Walmart, wondering whether I needed to use the gift card on the diapers for my daughter or put them toward a dozen brand-y new golf balls for my own selfish pursuits. It's truly a lose-lose: Buy the diapers, lose your manhood. Buy the golf balls, lose your fatherhood.

So America, I let you decide: Manhood or Fatherhood. Now, a few ground rules: First, Kaitlyn doesn't truly need the pull-ups. This is sort of an experiment before heading into the two-year old room. So it's not like I'm depriving my daughter of essential things to live to buy golf balls. Second, the golf balls I would have bought would require additional money out of my own pocket.

So tell me, America: Manhood or Fatherhood?

Lessons for the next time I'm semi-retired

2010-01-08T09:22:00.001-05:00

If you couldn't tell, it's been a little dry here at Growing Up Kaitlyn. I mean, I noticed I hadn't posted since January 2, which is quite a while here in the blogosphere. But with good reason.

As some of you (that would be the family) know, my semi-retirement officially ends on January 19. I have accepted a position with a company here in Greensboro and will be back in the working world. Which is most definitely a great way to usher in 2010, but it also opens the door to a litany of other questions:

What happens when Kaitlyn needs to come home early because she's sick?
You mean I can't drive up to daycare some random afternoons and poke my head into the window and see my little girl sleeping?
I have to shower each and EVERY day?

These are just a couple of things that have run through my mind in the last few days. More than those things, though, I've been listening to Michelle complain about the things that I haven't accomplished since semi-retirement began. You know, the honey-do list that continues to grow each and every day.

But those small complaints (believe me, she's happier than anyone that semi-retirement is coming to a close) have led to larger internal complaints and disappointments. I wish I actually made her Halloween costume like I wanted. I wish I had taken her to the Natural Science Center more during the summer months. I wish I played more golf and lowered my handicap. You know, real internal struggles.

You always reason with yourself in the moment on why you can't do something. Its was cheaper and easier to buy a costume off the shelf. I was doing some consultation work and looking for a job. I had no money. All those arguments sounds great at the time. But looking back, it really doesn't cut the mustard. I should have done those things and more because, well, there aren't more important things.

Nothing's more important than seeing Kaitlyn in her cupcake costume that you made for her. Nothing's more important than hearing Kaitlyn say she wants to see more animals. And nothing's more important than indexing a 5.0 and winning some ducats from the slops at the course.

All I can do is move forward now and hope that I learned my lesson. More time next time. Granted, we're all hoping there won't be a next time like this time, but next time.

Happy New Year. Can I go to bed now?

2010-01-02T07:41:00.001-05:00

First, Happy New Year everyone. We ushered in 2010 snug in our bed after doing a pseudo-midnight toast at Aunt Nicole and Uncle Rich's place with the other 'rents. I'm sure we have pictures, but I can't find the camera and I'm too lazy at 6:45 a.m. to get up. Without further adieu:

Five Goals for the New Year:

Grow an extra four inches, hoping to nab a scholarship early to help my semi-retired Daddy.
Color within the lines ... most of the time.
Skip past pull-ups, heading directly to big-girl underwear.
Recognize colors and letters without prompting.
Take over the world.

Milk: It does a body good (unless it's chocolate milk, then it's worse for you than heroin)

2009-12-28T09:45:00.004-05:00

I have to admit: I love a big, honkin' glass of chocolate milk. It's fan-friggin'-tastic, especially paired with a equally big, honkin' bowl of ice cream. And thank God I'm not lactose intolerant because, well, we'd have some real problems.

There's just something about having a big, honkin' glass of liquid chocolate that gives me a good feeling all over. And by the way, I'm a purist. It's got to be Hershey's Chocolate Syrup in there. No store brand, no cheap alternative, no other name on the bottle. Hershey's. Chocolate. Syrup.

Not to mention that we're talking about milk here. I mean, it's good for you too, right?

Apparently not. According to leading nutritional Nazis experts, chocolate milk should be outlawed from schools and given the old heave-ho because it makes kids happy healthy fat.

There's almost this threat, like "If you don't drink chocolate milk, then your children will not get the nutrition they need!" says Marlene Schwartz, deputy director of Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity. For Schwartz, the dairy industry's campaign is one as concerned with market share as it is with nutrition. "The real issue is a food-industry segment saying, "We want to market our product to children. So we are going to add extra sugar that is completely unnecessary to improve the taste so that kids will drink more of our product." And since more than half of all flavored milk in the U.S. is sold to children in schools, she says, there's a lot to be lost if chocolate milk gets kicked out of the cafeteria.

I failed to notice in Ms. Schwartz argument for eliminating chocolate-y goodness from schools the affect of reduced or eliminated physical education classes in today's schools or the lack of responsibility from dumb parents to haul their fat children away from the Xbox for an hour a day to play outside.

As expected, the milk industry isn't taking all this sitting down. They've launched a million dollar marketing campaign to get you to believe there is nothing wrong with chocolate in your milk. While I tend to agree, maybe they need to send people to places like Boulder, Colorado and Berkeley, California, districts where hippies parading like they own the friggin' place school officials have banned the nectar of joy from their lunchrooms.

Now, I have to be honest: Kaitlyn doesn't get chocolate milk. At just under two years of age, I don't think it would be prudent. Granted, by the time she's four or five, there's nothing wrong with giving her a little bit of chocolate-y goodness in my mind. Especially since I know she'll be taking walks with us and playing outside.

How I Met Your Mother

2009-12-27T07:30:00.005-05:00

Dear Kaitlyn:

I know that by the time you're actually able to read blogs (more like, by the time I let you use the computer on your own), this one will probably be long gone. Either that or dear old dad has made a ton of money from this little venture and you're so mad at me for writing about your life that you don't care to read what I have to say. Let's hope it's the latter. That way you can at least love me for my money.

Today, I bring you back eight and a half years. Dear old dad was prepping for a day of hanging out with friends down in Asbury Park (which, by the time you read this, might be nothing more than a retirement village on the Jersey Shore. What a waste). You see, he was heading down to the Stone Pony to see a concert that, rumor had it, was going to be crashed by Bruce.

After a couple hours at the Pony, Daddy and his group of friends left for greener (i.e., younger) pastures. They finally made their way to Martell's Tiki Bar, where the crowd was a little less grey. It was about 5 p.m. and the band that night wasn't scheduled to start until 8 or so, which gave Daddy and his friends plenty of time to, um, catch up with some friends. You don't know these friends, Kaitlyn, because they are Daddy's friends. Not yours. Remember that.

After a couple of hours with his friends (not to mention a certain former U.S. Representative who bought Daddy a couple rounds), one of Daddy's friends got a brilliant (to him) idea to get Daddy to sing with the band.

For some reason, the band leader totally agreed to let Daddy jump on stage and sing with the 12-person band (with full brass section, mind you). With about five or six doses of liquid courage in his system (again, Daddy's friend, not yours Kaitlyn), Daddy made his way to the stage when called on by the band leader.

The band leader asked Daddy if he was ready for this, which Daddy wasn't. But once the music started, Daddy did a Stella. Little did the band leader know that Daddy was going to go all Ann Curry on him.*

It worked though, as the crowd (which at this point looked double its size thanks to Daddy's liquid courage) was cheering like crazy, including this one little hottie who had made her way to the front of the stage. Soon the song was over and Daddy was heading off stage, being patted on the back and given high-fives from people. That one little hottie made her way over to Daddy and started gushing over him like Daddy was a rock star. Daddy even got her phone number.

And it's a good thing he did, Kaitlyn, considering Daddy called that little hottie a couple days later. And a couple days after that, they went on their first date. And a couple days after that, Daddy got pneumonia and couldn't go to the Aerosmith concert, which, by the way, that little hottie had tickets to, as well. But that's OK, because a couple days later, that little hottie brought some soup to your sick Daddy and told him all about the concert.

Eight and a half years later, that little hottie is still a little hottie. And that, my dear Kaitlyn, is How I Met Your Mother. Happy Anniversary, you little hottie.

Oh yeah, and Bruce did wind up showing at The Stone Pony that year. And Daddy missed him. And he's glad he did.

*Go all Ann Curry (v): to take over a production by throwing himself/herself in front of the lead talent, whether warranted or not

Swag is Good, aka "Christmas in North Carolina"

2009-12-25T21:18:00.000-05:00

So we're nearing the end of Christmas here in Year 2 of Kaitlyn (yeah, she's technically turning two in January, but this is her second Christmas and she knows what's up), and it was a stunning success.

We learned a lot this Christmas. First, 7&7s and Red Oak go quite well together throughout the day. Second, the Press Your Luck game for the Wii is quite possibly the most fun I've had with the Wii since we've purchased it. Third, I truly like North Carolina Christmases that don't rain. If it weren't for the rain, we probably could have played nine or so holes since it was well north of 50 degrees.

But most of all, we learned that Christmas is fun with Kaitlyn. Even though it took a little while to get her going (apparently this girl forgot it was Christmas because she didn't wake up until 8 a.m.), there was no stopping her once she did start chugging along today.

She was a present opening machine, a great helper for passing out gifts to everyone, and a playing fool, taking time with everything she was lucky enough to get from her family and friends. Granted, the baby dolls and art desk took more time from, say, the books and socks, but she took more than a passing glance at those, too.

For those of you that I haven't personally talked with today, Michelle, Kaitlyn, Boo and myself wish you all a Merry Christmas. We love and appreciate all of you. Even if you didn't send a gift.

"UP" is a very misleading movie title

2009-12-22T11:35:00.003-05:00

When we were in New Jersey, Nana bought a copy of Disney's UP since we never saw it. The movie actually didn't work, which disappointed us since it was a movie we could sit down and watch with Kaitlyn (one that we actually wanted to see, anyway).

Flash forward to last week. In preparation for The Nightmare Before Christmas, Michelle decided to pick up some movies from redbox (Best. Invention. Ever.). We stayed in Friday night, made some Christmas cookies with Aunt Shannon and tucked ourselves in to watch some movies. UP was one of those movies.

Now, if you haven't seen the movie and plan to, I would recommend you stop reading this post. Here, enjoy this collection of Kaitlyn videos instead.

UP is not the word I would use to describe this movie. While a really good movie as a whole, Disney turned up the depression knob on some of the more poignant points in the movie. Now, I'm used to seeing some sad spots in Disney movies. But I don't remember a Disney movie that, throughout the whole thing, I said to myself Man, that's sad numerous times.

Let us count the ways:

In the first 15 minutes, we watch a montage of this couple growing old together, only to play witness to the death of the main character's wife (without fulfilling their dream).
Then, we see the main character get ushered into court only to have his freedom yanked from him by a greedy corporation for the sole purpose of demolishing his dream house.
We listen to the sidekick's sad tale of how his father abandoned his family, remarry and not want anything to do with his son.
The main character's childhood hero turns out to be a greedy old man, making our hero realize his dreams (and his wife's) were built on lies.

Like I said, depressing. Aunt Shannon was actually so disturbed by the movie's messages that she stopped watching it halfway through because it was depressing her. Kaitlyn didn't even sit through the whole thing, which is something to say considering it was a cartoon. And it was Disney. Yikes.

Then, after all this heavy stuff laid on you, the movie gets completely wacky as dogs start flying mini pop planes. I mean, Disney creates this very serious movie (granted, with the fun Disney humor and spin put on it) only to go completely over the silly line in the final 20 minutes. If not for that, this would be a real good movie -- for adults. This is not (repeat: this is NOT) a children's movie.

On a side note, I never thought Meryl Streep could look any uglier until I saw Julie & Julia. I mean, the woman's not attractive to begin with, but making her look like Julia Child is downright criminal on the viewers' eyes. That being said, she is a great actress. But there's a reason some people are better suited for radio.

Welcome to River Country?

2009-12-19T17:54:00.003-05:00

I love Disney. For regular readers, you know this. For newbies, I come from a family of pseudo-Disneyphiles. My parents aren't true die-hards, but they love Disney enough to be considered just on the outer ring of addicts.

I am trying to bring Kaitlyn up as a Disney Girl, which is getting more and more difficult thanks to a certain explorer. But she's getting to the age where the princesses are starting to be a little more appealing, so it's all good.

Part of Kaitlyn's initiation into Disneyhood is the regular trip to Walt Disney World. We went last year with my parents (of course) and Kaitlyn did great. Loved It's A Small World. Played her heart out at Mickey's Toontown. Scared her to death to meet Daisy Duck. Like I said, it's all good.

We're planning on going back again in February with Nana and Pop-Pop. Hopefully she'll do a little better with the characters, but even if she doesn't we'll have a great time. Just like we did when we were kids. Which is why Disney is so great, because while there are always changes in the works, everything is the same as when you first walked in and saw Cinderella's Castle.

Almost everything.

Remember River Country? That ol' swimmin' hole that was the premier water park before Disney gave us Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach? While I've known its been closed for years, I figured it was leveled to make way for the next big thing from Disney. Guess again.

In my internet surfing I ran across a post from Tri-circle-D on DisBoards.com. It's quite amazing that Disney has let this once proud part of their resort become what it has. Don't they have Imagineers that could do something over there, like they did with the rest of the Magic Kingdom from my childhood?

All pictures courtesy of Tri-circle-D on DisBoards.com

Winter Wonderland, North Carolina edition

2009-12-19T10:29:00.001-05:00

So we made it through the night. A fissure in the Earth's crust didn't suck us into oblivion. Armageddon didn't blow us to kingdom come. Some smartass might say that Hell hath frozen over, but if this is Hell I have no problem staying for a little while.

The Nightmare Before Christmas, as the morons dopes non-journalistic pretty boys television stations are calling the latest flurry drizzle snowstorm down here in central North Carolina, is for the most part over and we didn't get sucked into the abyss like many thought would happen if more than two inches of snow fell on the Piedmont Triad.

And the good news is that there was actually snow on the ground when we woke up in the morning, which meant that Kaitlyn had some good times tossing snow around and helping Daddy shovel the walkway. Maybe later we'll build a snowman, but it was cold out and there's still a little icy glaze on everything out there.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

2009-12-18T17:44:00.002-05:00

Welcome to central North Carolina, home of the Wyndham Championship, the ACC Championship, some damn good barbecue and snow. Yup, good, old-fashioned snow.

When the dopes fools weathermen said earlier this week that we could expect an inch to three inches of snow Friday night, we all laughed. Then, on Friday morning, the dopes fools weathermen changed that prediction to four to six inches. We cackled. At noon, the dopes fools weathermen said six to 12 inches could fall on the Piedmont Triad. I howled.

Well, here comes the snow. And it's coming hard. The more and more I watch it, the more and more I believe we could get a good couple of inches. Do I believe we're headed for a half-foot? Heck no.

All I hope is that it sticks around until the morning so that Kaitlyn really gets to enjoy it. Otherwise, it's just going to be a big gloppy mess, which will take the fun out of this first snowfall of the season.

Meet Teddy

2009-12-17T13:24:00.002-05:00

Teddy has always been a staple in Michelle's life. Of course there are all the childhood memories, but that would only be scratching the surface of Teddy's exploits, since everyone had that favorite stuffed animal when they were growing up.

You see, Teddy went to college with Michelle. Teddy slept with Michelle through her years at Towson University. There were stories about how Teddy was hidden from Michelle by the girls and guys, how Michelle might find Teddy the next day hanging from a light fixture or ceiling fan. Michelle was not amused.

Teddy made her way home with Michelle after college (How do we know Teddy is a she? Well, there's a hole between Teddy's legs from the seams popping, which made for some rather unsavory stories, according to Michelle's friends).

When Michelle and I moved in together, Teddy came along. And yes, Teddy still had a place in the bed. Teddy made it to our wedding, albeit in a duffel bag in the honeymoon suite. Michelle actually wanted to pin Teddy underneath her dress, but I think YaYa got the better of that argument.

Teddy is a world traveler, too. Besides going on the honeymoon to Jamaica (yes, ugh), Teddy went to London in high school and the Dominican Republic when Michelle and her friend Laura did some after college "discovery." Teddy's criss-crossed the country, usually in Michelle's pillowcase so she knew where Teddy was at all times. Teddy's been (to my knowledge) to Arizona, Seattle, California and every state on the east coast from New York to Florida.

Teddy's place in the house has always been by Michelle's side. In recent years, Teddy moved from the bed to the nightstand because Michelle was afraid that our dog would use Teddy as a chew toy. But every night, there was Teddy right next to Michelle.

I don't think Michelle ever thought of a day when Teddy wouldn't be by her side.

The other day, Michelle noticed that Kaitlyn was holding Teddy. At first, she thought this was cute, since her daughter was meeting her Teddy. But then a funny thing happened. Kaitlyn started actually bring Teddy with her places.

So far it's been confined to the house. But when you turn around, there's Teddy lying on the floor, Kaitlyn telling Teddy to "Go to sleep," covering Teddy with a dish towel. There's Kaitlyn holding Teddy while watching Dora. There's Teddy in Kaitlyn's crib at night, my daughter's arm wrapped tightly around my wife's slice of childhood.

You can see in her face that Michelle is torn by this chain of events. After all, this is her Teddy, not Kaitlyn's Teddy. I'm sure that somewhere, sometime, Michelle thought she'd hand Teddy down to her child. But to actually see it happening has brought a gush of emotions over her. I'm sure she secretly thinks, Get your own damn Teddy.

So now here Teddy sits, on the bench next to the snowman, waiting for her girl to come home. Much to my wife's dismay, she's not that girl anymore.